Happy New Year

May each day of the coming year bring with it a different reason to make you smile and may you find happiness all around.. 

Wishing you & your family peace, prosperity and happiness in the year ahead... 

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Devoted Wife!!

A husband asks his wife...

Husband: Darling, if I lost my vision would you be my eyes?

Wife: Honey, of course I would.

Husband: If I lost my hearing would you be my ears?

Wife: Absolutely sweetheart.

Husband: If I lost my legs would you push me around in a wheelchair?

Wife: You don't need to ask. Why all the questions?

Husband: I just sprained my wrist...

Statue!!

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said. "Stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. 

"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us, too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the 'statue'. "Eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

Babies!!

Six-year-old Annie returns home from school and says that today she had her first family planning lesson at school.

Her mother, very interested, asks, "Oh... How did it go?"

"I nearly died of shame!" she answers. "Sam from down the street says the stork brings babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital."

Her mother answers laughingly, "But that's no reason to be ashamed."

"No... but I can't tell them that we were so poor that you and daddy had to make me yourselves!"

Gift!!

I gave my wife a big box of assorted hazelnut chocolates for V-day.

She smiled and said, "Aww...you know you should not have."

I gave back, "You are right but I guess one more pack of chocolates will not hurt your fat behind."

The Old Fisherman :)

It was raining hard and a big puddle had formed in front of the little Irish pub.

An old man stood beside the puddle holding a stick with a string on the end and jiggled it up and down in the water.

A curious gentleman asked what he was doing.

"Fishing," replied the old man.

"Poor old chap.." thought the gentleman, so he invited the old man to have a drink in the pub.

Feeling he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught today?"

"You're the eighth."

Mistress!!

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it  was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. 

The architect said he enjoyed time  with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. 

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. 

The engineer said, "I like both." 

"Both?" 

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the plant and get some work done."

Perfect Girl!

A friend asked a gentleman why he never married?

Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl."

"Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry."

"Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me."

"Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend.

"Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man."

Escape :)

A convicted felon was given ten years without parole for his latest crime. After 2 years in jail, he managed to escape. His escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news.

Because he had to be careful, he worked his way home taking little traveled routes, running across deserted fields and taking every precaution he could think of.

Eventually he arrived at his house and he rang the bell. His wife opened the door and bellowed at him, "You good- for-nothing, Where the hell have ya been? You escaped over six hours ago."

Family Planning!!

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand. 

"That's a serious step," he said, "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Sure," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get lonely in the night."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered.

The boy had answer to every question the father raise.

Finally, in exasperation, the father asked, "What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that too", the little boy replied. "We're not going to have any babies. Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it."