Short & Sweet Answer!!

Example Of A Short, Sweet and Meaningful Answer

Girl: "Hey! How are you doing these days?

Boy: "By Hand"

English Has Changed So Much!!

When I Was 10.

• Rubber Meant Eraser,
• Ass Meant Donkey,
• Gay Meant Happy,
• Straight Meant Linear,
• Making Out Meant 'Logical Detection',
• Cock Meant Rooster,
• Pussy Meant Cat,
• Stag Meant A Male Deer,
• Prick Meant A Jab,
• Poke Meant A Nudge,
• Chick Meant A Baby Hen,
• Screw Meant A Carpenter's Implement
• And A Tit Was Always For Tat

Damn! – English Has Changed So Much.

Little Johnny- does heart have legs!!

One fine day at school, the teacher was teaching about the heart.

After she had finished she said, "If any one has any doubts about

what I have taught please ask." 

Little Johnny stands up and asks,

"Teacher, does the heart have legs?" 

She replies, "no it doesn't. What makes you ask such a question?" 

He says "Last night when I went into my parents bedroom

I over heard my dad saying SWEET HEART spread your LEGS"

Little Johnny - Staff of Life!!

Little Johnny's is coming home from the store swinging the loaf of bread in one hand and the other hand in his pants pocket.

Along come Joe and he thinks to himself, "This is a good opportunity to say something good to Little Johnny."

He walks up to Little Johnny and says, "I see Little Johnny that you have the Staff of Life in one hand. What do you have in the other?"

Little Johnny replies, "A loaf of bread."

Little Johnny - I like your thinking!!

One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about. Okay, first: it's round, plump and red."

Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wisely ignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." The teacher replied, "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking." Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish."

Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy."Is it a peach?"Billy asks."No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking,"the teacher replies. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard."

By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his hand frantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking."

Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I've got it: it's round, hard, and it's got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking!"

Vicious Circle?!!

The Boss Calls His Secretary & Says: "Get Ready For D Weekend, We R Going On A Business Trip."

The Secretary Calls Husband & Says: "Me & My Boss R Going On A Business Trip For 2 Days So Take Care Of Yourself"

The Husband Calls His Mistress & Says: "My Wife Is Going On A Business Trip Come Home We Can Have Fun"

The Mistress Calls The Boy To Whom She Gives Tuition: "No Tuition This Weekend."

The Boy Calls His Grand Father: "Grandpa At Last We Can Spend This Weekend Together."

Grandpa (The Boss) Calls His Secretary & Says: "Business Trip Is Canceled. I'm Going To Spend Weekend With My Grandson"

The Secretary Calls Husband: "I Won't Be Going"

The Husband Calls His Mistress: "I Am Sorry My Wife Is Not Going "

The Mistress Calls Boy: "You Have Tuition"

Boy Calls His Grandpa & Says: "Sorry Grandpa I've Classes"

The Grandpa Calls Secretary & ……..

Little Johnny - Moon!!

One day a teacher was talking about marriage in class...

Teacher : What kind of wife would you like Johnny?

Johnny : I would want a wife like the moon...

Teacher : Wow !! What a choice...do you want her to be beautiful and calm like the moon?

Johnny : No, I want her to arrive at night and disappear in the morning.

Little Johnny - Developments!!

Teacher: "Children, tomorrow I would like you to give me an example of a development that is currently being built near your home and what are the advantages of this new development. At the end of the class, the teacher asks that all the little girls remain behind for 5 minutes.

Teacher: "Young ladies, I have received numerous complaints from your parents concerning Little Johnny's crude remarks. It is very likely that tomorrow he is going to say something dirty and that is why I am asking you all, to avoid any further problems - that if he says anything that appears rude, I would like you all to get up and leave the classroom."

Everybody agreed to this plan. Next day... 

Teacher: "Is everybody ready with their assignment? Go ahead Anita."

Anita: "Near my home, a supermarket is being built. Now my mommy doesn't have to walk so far to get bread and milk." Teacher: "Very good Anita! Yes - Suzie!"

Suzie: "Near my home, they are building a furniture factory. My daddy is a carpenter and this permits him to work near home."

Teacher: "Excellent, thank-you Suzie! At this point, little Johnny's hand shoots up and the Teacher asks: "Oh heavens, Johnny tell me what new development is being built near your home."

Little Johnny: "Near my home, they are building a brothel."

All the young ladies get up and proceed to leave. Little Johnny says, "Hey, relax girls... it hasn't opened yet!"

Screwed!!

A man who had been called to testify at the Income Tax Department asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Don't let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution on the dilemma.

"Let me tell you a story," replied the priest. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most revealing negligee, a nice V-neck.' "

Confused, the man asked, "What does all this have to do with my problem with the Income Tax Department?"

"Simple," replied the Priest. "It doesn't matter what you wear, you're gonna get screwed anyway."

Logical!!

A very logical and somewhat cold calculating professor of mathematics sent this fax to his wife:

Dear Wife,

You must realize that now you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.

Your Husband,

Professor Malone When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

Dear Husband,

You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.

Your Wife.

Men will be Men :)

Man gets home late and find a note on the fridge :
This is not working, I'm moving in with my sister.
Man opens fridge the light comes on and the beer feels cold.
It's working !? what is she talking about.

Bangkok Tourism!!

Loyal husbands will get Heaven after they die;

Disloyal husbands will get Heaven while they are alive.

Choice is Yours!

Bangkok Tourism

Healing!!

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.

The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your body which ails you and I will heal you."

The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his groin.

With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dead."

Brand Ambassador -OL!!

Draupadi was the first L'Oreal brand ambassador...5 problems, 1 Solution!

Lonely woman!!

A lonely woman checked into a resort and decided to call one of the numbers she'd seen advertising male escort services and sensual massages. She flipped through the phone book, found an ad with a picture of a particularly strapping young man and called the number.

"Hello?" a male voice answered. "How may I help you?"

"I hear you give a great massage, and I'd really like to experience one," the woman said. "Well, actually, I should just be straight with you. I'm in town, I'm all alone and what I really want is it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips... everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night. Tie me up and cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream. I want to do it all. How does that sound?"

"That sounds great," the man replied, "but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

Old age Violence!!

One night an eighty-four-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her ninety two-year-old husband in bed with another woman. She became quite violent.

When all the violence was ended, she'd pushed him off the balcony of their twentieth-story apartment.

The man was killed instantly.

The elderly woman was apprehended and taken to the local lockup.

When brought before the court on charges of homicide, she was questioned to see if she had anything to say in her own behalf. (The poor woman could not afford an attorney.)

"Your Honor," she began calmly and coolly, "I figured that at ninety-two, if he could still screw, then he must be related to Superman - and he could fly!"

Different thing!

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and she laughs... Now that's a different thing!

Aakashwani :)

Ek aadmi train mein chadne laga tabhi aakashwani hui :-

"Isme mat chad, ye patari se utar jayegi."

Wo plane mein chadne laga ki aawaj aayi :- "ye crash ho jayega".

Usne bus mein jane ki sochi ki aawaj aayi :- "ye khayi mein gir jayegi ".

Aadmi gusse se :-"kaun hai bey ?"

Aawaj aayi :- "Main Bhagawan hun."

Aadmi jor se chillaya :- "To prabhu jab mein shaadi ke waqt ghodi par chad raha tha tab aapka gala baith gaya tha kya ?"

Disgrace!!

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your Assets; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand somewhere inappropriate; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Screwing!!

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.

After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.

After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."

"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife."

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.

"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"