Nuns :)

The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen.

Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey they had received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

When she walked back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips. Mother drank a little, then a little more.

Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "please give us some wisdom before you die."

She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow."

Tit for Tat!!!!

A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what young men and women do.

Abruptly, the girl stopped the man dead in his tracks. "I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20."

The man reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After the obligatory cigarette, the man sat in the driver's seat, staring out the window.

"Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."

Necrophilia!!!!

A man was brought before the judge and charged with Necrophilia.

The judge said to the man, "In the 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw away the key!"

The man replied, "I'll give you THREE good reasons:
first of all, it's none of your damn business...
second of all, she was my wife...
and third of all, I didn't KNOW she was dead, she ALWAYS acted that way in bed!"

Drunken!!!

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom.

A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar.

The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming in there?
You're scaring the customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes my balls

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You Idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"

Top 10 of Everything..FYI

 Top 10 of Everything

COUNTRIES

  

     

  

  

  

  

    

  

  

VACATIONS

  

  

AUTOMOBILES

  

  

BUSINESS & CONSUMERISM

  

  

  

MISCELLANEOUS

  

SPECIFIC TO THE U.S.

   

Management Lesson :)

A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management-training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping.

Today's Manager :)

Bear Hunting!!!!

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we make love."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.

This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have "rough Love."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Firemen!!!

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Mattea has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino. After a few minutes' search, the chief looks down an alley, and there's Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.

Chief Mattea says, "What the hell is going on?"

Olson says, "Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation."

The chief says, "Smoke inhalation? You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"

Olson says, "I did, Chief. That's how this shit got started."

Couple!!!

My boyfriend and I were at my daughter's volleyball game when we noticed an adult couple in the bleachers.
They were being VERY affectionate. She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear.
He had his hands on her chest. I said to my boyfriend,
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball."