Shooting!!!

Judge: Why did you shoot your wife instead of shooting her lover?
Man: Your honor, it's easier to shoot a woman once, than shooting one man every week.

Truth :)

Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did !

Closet door :)

A woman has a problem with her closet door, it was falling every time a bus was passing by. So she called a repair man.

The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out every time when a bus passes by.

"OK, I am gonna see what is going on, just close the door behind me" and he steps into the closet.

At that time the husband comes from work, opens the closet and finds the repairman.

Husband: "What the hell are you doing here!"

Repairman: "Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!"

White???

A fresh-faced lad on the eve of his wedding night asks his mother, "Mom, why are wedding dresses white?"
The mother looks at her son and replies, "Son, this shows the town that your bride is pure."
The son thanks his mom, and then seeks his father opinion, "Dad, why are wedding dresses white?"
The father looks at his son in surprise and says, "Son, all household appliances come in white."

Dear!!!

Three nots!!!!

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.
"How am I doing?" He asks.
"Three nots," she replies.
"Three knots? What's that mean?"
"You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."

Divorce -OL!!!!!

Divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
-- Robin Williams

Call Center :)

When a friend of mine got depressed recently, he rang Lifeline and got through to a call centre in Pakistan.

When he told the guy he felt suicidal, the call center guy got very excited and asked if he knew how to drive a truck

Grandpa!!!

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital." How are you grandpa?" he asks. "Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. The young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"

"No problem at all - nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate & a Viagra tablet .. And that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the nurse in charge.

"What are you people doing?" he says, "I am told you are giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replied the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate & a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep...and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed.

--
Guns don't need agreements

I was in Love :)

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, 'You know, I was a fool when I married you.'

The husband replied, 'Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.'