Prepared :)

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?"

"I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers and we have a caterer coming with plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our friends."

"I don't mean that," the priest responded. "I mean, are you prepared spiritually?"

"Oh, sure," came the reply. "I've got a keg of beer and a case of whiskey."

Man doesn't know :)

Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her."

Dad: "That happens in every country, son!"

Candle!!!

A young nun new to the convent complained to the Mother Superior that she was suffering the pangs of lust.

"Comfort yourself with a candle," she was advised.

"I've tried that, but you get tired of the same old thing, wick in and wick out."

Finally a book for all MEN to understand WOMEN....

Handcuffs -OL :)

Wedding ring: the world's smallest handcuffs.

Experiment!!!

A couple was watching a Discovery Channel special about an African bush tribe whose men all had weenies 24 inches long. When males reach a certain age, a string is tied around the weenie and on the other end is a weight. After a while, the weight stretches the weenie to 24 inches.

Later that evening as the husband was getting out of the shower, his wife looked down at him and said, "How about we try the African string-and-weight procedure?"

The husband agreed and they tied a string and weight to his weenie

A few days later, the wife asked the husband, "How is our little tribal experiment coming along?"

"Well, it looks like we're about half way there," he replied.

"Wow, you've grown to 12 inches??"

"No...it's turned black."

Bigamy -OL :)

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.

Dress :)

I told a guy, "Kids. Today the way they dress, you can't tell boys from girls. Why, look at that kid over there. What's that? A boy or a girl?"

He said, "That's a boy, that's my son."

I said, "Sure, you knew, you're his father."

He said, "I'm not his father, I'm his mother!"

For Sale!!!

A well-stacked young advertising secretary wore tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked.

Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door.

Pointing to her tightly covered butt, he asked, "Is that for sale?"

"Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously.

Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."

Good News & Bad News :)

The doctor at a regional hospital tells his patient, "I have good news and bad news for you. Which would you like to hear first?"

The patient asks for the bad news first. "I have the results of your examination of your injuries to both your feet and we're going to have to amputate right away."

"That's the bad news? How could there be good news?"

"See that man in the lobby? The seedy-looking fellow?"

"Yeah," says the patient. "What about him?"

The doctor looks at the patient with a grin, "He wants to buy your shoes!