Sweetness of Wife :)

Indian Wives come from of sophisticated culture of historic  proportion.  They do not call their husbands in front of everyone 'Abey Gadhe"  interpreted in English it is "Hey Ass" in harshness.

They call  them sweetly in  public in abbreviated address "A.G. sunte ho?" interpreted  in  English it is  "Hey Ass are you listening?"

Headache!!!

A guy is out with his buddies. He has a few drinks, gets in the mood, but true to his wife, goes home.
 
When he gets home, he finds her sound asleep in bed with her mouth wide open.
 
He gets two aspirin and drops them into her mouth.
 
Of course, she chokes, but recovers and asks, "What did you put in my mouth??"
 
He says, "Two aspirin".
 
She replies, "BUT, I DON'T HAVE A HEADACHE!!!"
 
He says, "That's what I wanted to hear!"

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Twins :)

A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as he came home from work just jumping for joy. He didn't know why she was jumping for joy but thought, what the heck, and started jumping up and down with her.

She said, "Honey, I have some really great news for you!"

He said, "Great, tell me what you're so happy about!"

She stopped jumping and was breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, when she told him that she was pregnant!

He kissed her and told her, "That's great! I couldn't be happier!"

Then, she said, "Oh, honey, there's more!"

He asked, "What do you mean, 'more?'"

She said, "Well, we are not having just one baby, we are going to have TWINS!"

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, he asked Her how she knew.

She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Tesco and bought The TWIN PACK home pregnancy test kit and BOTH tests came out positive!!"

Pendulum!!!!

A hypnotist hypnotized the whole audience in the hall with a pendulum.

Suddenly the pendulum fell down. He blurted out  "F@#$".

And it took a whole day to separate the crowd

Brakes!!!

A man is busy screwing his girlfriend on the railway tracks.  The alert train driver spots the couple miles before and immediately starts hooting and starts applying the brakes, but the couple just ignores it and is happily in the act.

The driver is damn irritated and just stops a few yards away from the loving couple. He jumps down from the engine and rushes towards the man who has just finished and is zipping up his pants.

The driver is so angry, he starts shouting at the irresponsible young man, "You idiot, do you realize that if I had not seen you at the right time, this would have been your last f...

"Hold on" replies the young man. "Listen, you were coming; she was coming and I was coming... But only you had the brakes..."

Beauty of ENGLISH!!!!

Ever noticed by removing 1 word after another in a sentence can lead to a nice story?. Here's an example:.
"Oh Jack plz dont touch me at all..!""
Oh Jack plz dont touch me at..!""
Oh Jack plz dont touch..!""
Oh Jack plz dont..!""
Oh Jack plz...!""
Oh Jack..!""
Ohh...!''

Prostate test!!

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a prostate test on the National Health Service, a friend of mine decided to have his next test carried out while visiting in Thailand where the beautiful nurses are rather more gentle and accommodating.

As usual he was asked to strip off, he lay naked on his side on the bed and the nurse began the examination.

"At this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection" said the nurse.

"I haven't got an erection" said the man.

"No, but I have" replied the nurse.

Faith healer!!!

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room comparing notes on their various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world," said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second. "But then everything changed. That's why I'm here. I'm going to have a Baby in six months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I went to one for nearly a year and it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered, "Try going alone, next time."

Farmer!!!

A farmer stopped  by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he  waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home  he stopped at the hardware  store and bought a  bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a  couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had  a problem - how to carry his entire purchases  home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a girl who seem to have lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to  1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said,  'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The  girl suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket  in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other  hand?'

'thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the  girl home.

On the way he  says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no  time.'

The girl looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely .. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up  against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with  me?'

The farmer said,  'Holy smokes girl! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a  goose. How in the world could you possibly think I will have you up against the wall and do that?'

The  girl  replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of  the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens!!!