Loan!!

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details.

She said, "Well, he was a big muscular and handsome marine."

"So, what did he want to do?" they all asked.

"I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he didn't have that much. So, I told him that oral would be $75, but he didn't have that much either. Finally, I said, 'Well, how much do you have?' The marine said that he only had $25. So, I said, 'Well, for $25 all I can do is service you by hand.

"He agreed and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out, and I put one hand on it, and then the second hand above the first, and then the first hand above the second hand"

"Oh my God" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge. Then what did you do?"

"I loaned him the $75!"

Jannat Ka Parda!!

Ek aadmi bazaar mein jor-jor se chilla raha tha: "Jannat Ka Parda 20 rupaye mein – jannat ka parda 20 rupaye mein"

Saare bazaar ke log apna-apna kaam chhod kar uske paas gaye, Paas jakar dekha to, Haramkhor Panty Bech Raha Tha.

Same Problem :)

Once in a soap industry in US, the soap cover was mistakenly packed without soap in it i.e. an empty cover to avoid the problem in future they purchased x-ray machine of 60 thousand dollars to check in the assembly line that whether soap is packed in the cover or not in. 

Same problem occurred in India. What did they do?? 

They simply put a pedestal fan beside the assembly line. Empty boxes were flown away! 

Genius Nation.

Burning Desire!!

Question: "What is meant by burning desire of while making love?"

Answer: "It's when a person discovers that the Vaseline he applied before kamasutra in the dark was tiger balm"

Cricket Commentary!!

How Does A Cricket Commentator Describe A Nude Girl

There is no cover, no extra cover, no slip, but 2 silly points & 2 fine legs, a deep gully...and little grass on the pitch!

Will be bit wet as the match progresses.

Anyway it's going to be a fine batting pitch.

Good for googlies and better for finger spin...

Dumb Charades!!!

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?"

She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?" The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion. The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures, mouthing "EYE KNEE - THE RAKE."

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, next she points to her left breast, then she points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, there is no way in hell the man can even come close on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her "What in the heck was that?"

She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH"

Embarrassing Situations!!

A very shy guy goes into a nightclub and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage, he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "Two-hundred dollars? What do you mean $200?!

On Heat!!

A little boy didn't go to school one day.

The next day when the teacher asked him why, he said, "Our cow was on heat, so I had to take her to the bull".

"How disgusting," said the teacher? "I'm sure your father could have done that."

"No ma'am, he couldn't have. It has to be the bull."

Naam!!

College Mein Naye Admission Hone Ke Baad Ek Ladke Aur Ladki Ke Beech Suni Gayi Ye Baat.

Ladka: "Aapka Naam Kya Hai?"

Ladki: "Pahan Ke Bataun Ya Bol Ke?"

Ladka: "Matlab?"

Ladki: "Payal"

Ladka: "Ohh"

Ladki: "Aur Aapka?"

Ladka: "Haath Mein Doon Ya Muh Mein?"

Ladki Hairani Se: "Matlab?"

Ladka: "Prasad"

I cannot!!

An elderly man was having a calm walk when he happens to pass a brothel. 

One of the prostitutes calls out, "Hey Grandpa! Why don't you try?

Old Man: "No, my child, I cannot!

Prostitute: Cheer up! Let's try!

The elderly man enters and performs like a 25 year old.

Prostitute: Oh Gosh! And you still say you cannot.

Old Man: Aaah, I can, what I cannot is - pay!