Different thing!

If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.

If you're almost there and she laughs... Now that's a different thing!

Aakashwani :)

Ek aadmi train mein chadne laga tabhi aakashwani hui :-

"Isme mat chad, ye patari se utar jayegi."

Wo plane mein chadne laga ki aawaj aayi :- "ye crash ho jayega".

Usne bus mein jane ki sochi ki aawaj aayi :- "ye khayi mein gir jayegi ".

Aadmi gusse se :-"kaun hai bey ?"

Aawaj aayi :- "Main Bhagawan hun."

Aadmi jor se chillaya :- "To prabhu jab mein shaadi ke waqt ghodi par chad raha tha tab aapka gala baith gaya tha kya ?"

Disgrace!!

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your Assets; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand somewhere inappropriate; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."

Screwing!!

A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The barman charges him 10 cents. Confused, but not complaining, the man pays.

After a while he decides to have another, and some food, so he orders another beer and a steak. The barman charges him 25 cents, 10 for the beer and 15 for the food.

After finishing his food and drink, he calls the barman over and says, "Mate, that was the best steak I've ever had. I want to talk to the manager and thank him."

"No problem," says the barman. "He's upstairs with my wife."

"What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" asks the man.

"Probably the same thing I'm doing to his business down here!"

Revenge :)

Husband and Wife had a Fight.

Wife called Mom : He fought with me again,I am coming to you.

Mom : No Dear, he must pay for his mistake,I am coming to stay with U!

Signboard outside Library -OL!!

Statutory Warning: While reading Kamasutra, please hold the book with both hands.

Mad Cow Disease!!

A female reporter was conducting an interview with a farmer about Mad Cow Disease.

"Mr. Brown, do you have any idea what might be the cause of the disease?"

"Sure. Do you know the bulls only screw the cows once a year?"

"Umm, sir, that is a new piece of information, but what's the relationship between this and Mad Cow?"

"And did you know we milk the cows twice a day?"

"Mr. Brown, that's interesting, but, what's the point?"

"Lady, the point is this: if I'm playing with your tits twice a day, but only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you go mad, too?"

Scrote!!

In a check out line the other day and the couple were arguing about whose turn it was to pay.

The clerk was kind of listening until she heard the lady said to the guy, "Stop being a scrote."

With a furrowed brow the clerk asked, "What is a scrote?"

Without missing a beat the lady responded, "Short for scrotum. He is somewhere between a prick and an asshole."

Elbows :)

Girlfriend giving house directions to her Boy friend

"Come to the front gate of my apartment where you drop me, look for flat 9A,you ll find a lift on your right.  Hit 9 with your ELBOW.....get out of the lift u'll find my flat on left.... Hit the doorbell with your ELBOW & I'll get the door for you"

Boy friend says- Dear that seems easy but why am I hitting buttons with my elbows?

Girlfriend -"OMG! Are you coming empty handed ???"

Boy friend:- (speechless)..:

Size does not matter!!

A man was so paranoid about the size of his willy that he could never work up the courage to make love. Then one day he fell in love with a nurse.

One fine evening, they went back to her place. She put on some soft music and led him into the bedroom. Totally mortified, he told her of his problem.

"Don't worry," She said. "I'm a nurse. I won't laugh."

Blushing the man drops his trousers.

"It's OK," she said. "I've seen lots smaller than that."

"Really?" the relieved man asked.

"Yes," she chuckled, "I used to work in the maternity ward."