Little Johnny - Gambler!!

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler.  

She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that. 

After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling". 

The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money." 

"DAMN!" said the father. "What's wrong?", the teacher asked.

 Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"

Dating!!

Dating a stripper is like eating a noisy bag of chips in church... everyone looks at you in disgust, but deep down inside they want some too.

Aroused!!

My kid and I were in a very crowded public restroom at a sporting arena, after looking to the man using the urinal to his right, my 6 year old son turns to address me on his left and exclaims, 

"Daddy, that man's wiener is a lot bigger than yours!" 

The whole bathroom heard and looked immediately at me. 

So I put my hand around my kid and told him "Well son, that's because daddy isn't aroused by men."

Harassment!!

Teacher: Can you use harassment in a sentence?

Student: Her mouth said no but her ass meant YES.

Auto correct!!

Easy way to tell if she wants it. 

Text her and say "wanna bang?" Wait for reply and if she gets mad just say "oh my gosh it was supposed to say hang"

No Name!!

There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Johnny. 

He then tells his mother his first name would be Johnny. 

The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. 

The third day, Johnny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Johnny Humper Harder. 

Johnny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. 

The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Johnny's cookies. 

Johnny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes.

 Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry, "JOHNNY HUMPER HARDER!"  

Johnny yells, "I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!"

Arguing :)

Boss: *Shouting* " come to my office right now..."  

Employee: "Yes sir"! 

Boss : " I saw you arguing with the customer that just left. I have told you before that the customer is always right. Do you understand me?" 

Employee: "Yes sir!, the customer is always right". 

Boss : "So what were you arguing about with that customer?" 

Employee: "He said my boss is stupid and an idiot sir"!

Boss: "That bastard. What did u say to him?"  

Employee: "I told him he's right​"

Little Johnny - Positions!!

In the class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making love".

" The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?"

Johnny says, "Seventy-three." 

The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..." 

She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?" 

Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just lays on top of the girl." 

Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."

Little Johnny - Ears!!

Little Johnny's neighbor had a baby.  

Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnny's family was invited over to see the baby. 

Before they left their house, Little Johnny's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home.

Little Johnny told his dad he understood completely.  When Johnny looked in the crib he said: "What a beautiful baby."  

The mother said, 'Why, Thank you Johnny." 

Johnny said: "He has beautiful little feet, beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see all right?" 

"Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 Vision." 

"That's great", said Little Johnny, "cos he'd be screwed if he needed glasses!"

Little Johnny - Boyfriend!!

The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months."  

Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?" 

Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."