Outside line!!!!

A gentleman staying at the Ritz Hotel in London removes a card offering sexual services from a telephone box in Piccadilly. Back at the hotel he rings the number. A lady with a silky soft voice answers and asks if she can be of assistance. The gentleman says, "I'd like a blow job, some missionary work, a little doggie-style, some mild bondage, finishing off with a pearl necklace. What do you think?" The lady says, "I think it sounds intriguing, sir, but you might like to press 9 first to get an outside line."

Kinds of **** !!!!

A young man asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"

The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.

In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."

"Onions?"

"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

The true job of a manager Options :)

The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack, and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax. The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do. 

The farmer told him to clean the shit of the cows. The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city, working the whole life sitting in an office, it will take over a week to finish the job, but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than one day. The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job: to cut the heads of 500 chickens. The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the job, but at the end of the day the job was done. 

The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done, the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes. 

At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty. The farmer asked the manager: "How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days, and now you cannot do this simple job?" 

The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and dealing with shit, but now you ask me to make decisions."

Sardarji Strikes Back :)

************ ***********************************
Prince Charles & Sardarji were having dinner.
Prince said, "Pass the wine you divine".
Sardar says, "pass the custard you bastard".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar at bar in New York .
Man on his right says "Johny Walker single"
Man on his left says "Peter Scotch single"
Sardar says - "Baljith Singh Married"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but? ?
how much is DRIVING salary...?
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light  is not needed!!!
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

************ ********* ********* ********* ********
2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

A sardar for an exam had studied only one essay 'FRIEND', but in the exam the essay which came was 'FATHER' . he replaced friend with father in the essay and>it read: AM A VERY FATHERLY PERSON, I HAVE LOTS OF FATHERS, SOME OF MY FATHERS ARE MALE AND SOME ARE FEMALE. MY TRUE FATHER IS MY NEIGHBOUR.
************ ********* ********* ********* ********

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY.. ..
 ************ ********* ********* ********* ********              

ICICI Bank to deduct card dues of defaulters at source

Check out this new clause by ICICI, Source : http://economictimes.indiatimes.com/articleshow/4824271.cms?prtpage=1

NEW DELHI: In their constant pursuit of recovering dues from credit card customers, banks are empowering themselves with a tool that allows them to ask employers to deduct the outstanding amount from the salary. Employees who may have defaulted on payment, however, cannot object to this deduction of dues at source, according to the new clause introduced in the 'terms and conditions' by the country's largest private sector lender ICICI Bank and expected to be adopted by others as well.

Such deductions will be remitted to the bank and will continue till the entire dues are recovered. The amended 'terms and conditions' say that "no law or contract" governing either the card holder or employers prevents the bank from seeking such deduction and subsequent payment by the employer to the bank. When contacted, an ICICI Bank spokesperson confirmed the new clause. "This clause is applicable only for customers who default on their credit card payments. Prior notice has already been sent to all out customers to make them aware of this clause," the spokesperson said. "Only the defaulters in repayment need to be concerned and it is not of concern to regular customers," he added.

With this clause, ICICI Bank is now "entitled and authorised to contact and require the card holder's /card member's employers to make deduction/s from the salary/wages payable by the employer to the card holder/card member and to remit the same to ICICI Bank until all of the card holder/card member dues outstanding from the card holder/card member to ICICI Bank is/are completely discharged.

Besides, as per the new clause, it would be the bank which would decide upon the quantum of the deduction. "The deductions shall be of such amounts, and to such extent, as ICICI Bank may communicate to (and instruct) the card holder's /card member's employers," says the revised terms and conditions of the bank.

"The card holder/card member shall not have, or raise/ create any objections to such deductions. No law or contract governing the card holder/card member and/or the card holder's /card member's employer prevents or restricts in any manner the aforesaid right of ICICI Bank to require such deduction and payment by the card holder's /card member's employer to ICICI Bank," it adds. The revised credit card terms and conditions, after incorporating the new clause, have come into effect from July 23, 2009.

Hence proved :)

Printing mistake in Question paper : " Prove that 2/10=0.2 " is wrongly printed as " 2/10=2 "

One of a rocking students answered as below,

2 = TWO, 10 = TEN

TWO / TEN = WO / EN

W = 23, O = 15 (As alphabetic order)

E=5, N=14 (As alphabetic order)
  
W+O= 23+15 = 38
 
E+N= 5+14 = 19
    
So, 38 / 19 = 2

Hence proved :)

    

    

    

    

Sardar Interview!!!!

A Sardar after the interview :
"Everything went well till the time they asked me to show my testimonials.
I guess I showed them the wrong thing....

Which is worse?!!!!

Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his weenie after his girlfriend found the
ring in his pants pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.

Which is worse?

Having your girlfriend find out you're married…

Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your weenie

Or finding out your weenie fits through your wedding ring?

Children Menu!!!!

The waitress was waiting about as patiently as could be expected while the guy was slowly going over the breakfast menu.

Being a smart ass, he said to the other guys in the booth, and loud enough for her to overhear, "I usually never return to a restaurant unless one of the sausages I'm served with my eggs is a match in size for my own."

The waitress gave him a disgusted look and commented, "In that case, maybe you should be looking at the children's menu.

NOT FOR CIRCULATION :)

I met my husband while I was working in a science library.

He came in every week to read the latest journals and eventually decided to take out the librarian instead of the books.

After a year and a half of dating, he showed up at the library and started rummaging through my desk.

I asked what he was looking for, but he didn't answer.

Finally, he unearthed one of the rubber stamps I used to identify reference books.

"Since I couldn't find the right engagement ring," he said, "this will have to do," and he firmly stamped my hand. Across my knuckles, in capital letters, it read:

"NOT FOR CIRCULATION."