Massive Hangover!!!

A guy wakes up in the morning. He has a massive hangover  and can't remember anything he did last night. He picks up his dressing gown from the floor and puts it on. He notices there's something in one of the pockets and it turns out to be a bra.

He thinks to himself,"Uh oh. What happened last night?" He walks towards the bathroom and finds a panty in the other pocket of his gown.

Again he thinks, "What happened last night. What have I done? It must have been a wildparty," making his best attempt to conclude and accept the evidence. He opens the bathroom door, walks in and has a look in the mirror. He notices a little string hanging out of his mouth and his only thought is, "If there's a God, please let this be a tea bag."

This is not the time!!!

New Drug!!!

A man goes to his doctor and tells him that he is having a hard time achieving an orgasm so the doctor gives him VIAGRA. Then he gives him a new drug that just came on the market.

The patient says isn't the VIAGRA enough?

And the doctor says the VIAGRA will give you an erection but the new drug NIAGARA will make you come like a waterfall!!!!

Pancakes!!!

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although their little son appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small weenie

After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are for your father."

Looking Back!!!

A man returns home from work and enters through the kitchen door. He sees his wife on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She only has an apron on, so the husband gets a big hard on and starts humping his wife doggy style. When he is through he pulls out and at the same time hits her real hard on her head.

"What was that?" the wife screamed, "Here I am being so nice to you, and letting you really enjoy yourself. What did you hit me for??"

The husband looked at her and angrily says, "For not looking back to see who it is"

Brains!!!!

A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath.

"Mom", he asked, "are these my brains?"

"Not yet," she replied.

Flower Vase!!!

So this woman and her husband have this really bad fight. He goes off to work the next day without talking to her but she doesn't care. She is busy doing her thing around the house.

All of the sudden, around 1:00 in the afternoon, the doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it and there is a young delivery guy from the local florist shop with an enormous, beautiful bouquet of long-stemmed red roses...the expensive ones...from her husband.

She says to the delivery guy with disgust, "Oh SHIT!"

The delivery guy says, "What's a matter lady? You don't like roses?"
 
She replies, "Yeah, I like roses, but do you know what this means???"

He says, "No, Lady, what does this mean?"

She answers, "It means for the next two weeks I'll be laying on my back with my legs in the air."

He replies, "Geez, Lady, don't you have a vase???"*

Bunch of flowers!!!

On Valentines Day, Paul is walking to his girl's house one afternoon and passes a florist shop. On a whim he buys a big bunch of flowers for her. When he gets to her house he holds the flowers out to her.

Instead to taking them she lays back on the couch, spreads her legs and says, "This is for the flowers."

Paul looks at her and says, "Oh come now, surely you have a vase around here somewhere."

DO YOU HATE SOMEONE?

A kindergarten teacher  decided to let her class play a game.

The teacher told each child in the class to bring along a plastic bag containing a few potatoes.Each potato will be given a name of a person that the child hates,So the number of potatoes that a child will put in his/her plastic bag will depend on the number of people he/she hates.

So when the day came, every child brought some potatoes with the name of the people he/she hated. Some had 2 potatoes; some 3 while some up to 5 potatoes. The teacher then told the children to carry with them the potatoes in the plastic bag wherever they go (even to the toilet) for 1 week.

Days after days passed by, and the children started to complain due to the unpleasant smell let out by the rotten potatoes. Besides, those having 5 potatoes also had to carry heavier bags. After 1 week, the children were relieved because the game had finally ended....

The teacher asked: "How did you feel while carrying the potatoes with you for 1 week?". The children let out their frustrations and started complaining of the trouble that they had to go through having to carry the heavy and smelly potatoes wherever they go.

Then the teacher told them the  meaning of the same in actual life . The teacher said: "This is exactly the situation when you carry your hatred for somebody inside your heart. The stench of hatred will contaminate your heart and you will carry it with you wherever you go. If you cannot tolerate the smell of rotten potatoes for just 1 week, can you imagine what is it like to have the stench of hatred in your heart for your lifetime???"

Throw away any hatred for anyone from your heart so that you will not carry sins for a lifetime. Forgiving others is the best attitude to take!

Little Girl :)

A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, I'm Mr. Sugar Brown's daughter.'
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, 'I'm Jane Sugar Brown.'
The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, 'Aren't you Mr. Sugar Brown's daughter?'
She replied, 'I thought I was, but mother says I'm not.'