Human Race :)

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!"

Blonde Joke - Genie :)

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stranded on a desert island. They find a genie's lamp and agree they'll each get one wish.

The brunette and the redhead both wish they were at home.

The blonde then says, "Gee, I'm kinda lonely ... I wish my friends were here ... "

Firm this up!!!

A husband pinches his wife's arse and says: "Do you know if you firm this up you could get rid of your girdle?"

The wife annoyed, decided to bite her tongue and say nothing.

Later that night in bed, the husband squeezed her tits and said: "Do you know, if you firmed these up you could get rid of your bra?"

Absolutely fuming, the wife reached over and grabbed his dick and said: "Well do you know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener and the milk man

Psychiatrist !!!

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children."You all have obsessions," he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You have even named your daughter Candy."

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand, and whispered, "Come on, Dick, this guy has no idea what he's talking about. Let's pick up Peter and Willie from school and go get dinner."

Knees Down!!

Beautiful woman :)

A man approaches to a beautiful woman in a Hypermarket:
"Miss, please, I lost my wife in the store. Would you mind if I talk to you for a few minutes?"
"Why?"
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears from nowhere."

Contagious!!!

At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence...

Cindy raises her hand. "Yes, Cindy?" She answers, "I was at the dentist's office with my mom, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."

"Very good, Cindy!" the teacher said, "Anyone else want to try?" Samantha raises her hand. "Yes, Samantha?" She answers, "My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious."

"Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative," the teacher praises. "Okay, one more volunteer." Little Johnny raises his hand. "Yes, Bobby?"

"Well," he says, "I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbor painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's gonna take that contagious*.'"

* for those that don't get it... sound it out in two syllables

Missed Opportunity - Ullu Ka Pattha..!!

A 16 Year Old Boy Went To Drop An Unknown Aunty Ji To Her Home…….

Aunty: "Beta, Raat Bahut Ho Gai Hai, Yahi So Jao, 'Bittu' Ke Room Me"

Boy: "Nahi Aunty Ji, Mai Guest Room Mein So Jaunga"

Next Day A Beautiful Girl Comes With A Cup Of Coffee…….

Boy: "Aap Kaun?"

Girl: "Ji, Main 'Bittu' Or Aap?"

Boy: "Main, Ullu Ka Pattha..!!"

Doctors!!!

One night a man and a woman are both at a bar knocking back a few beers. They start talking and come to realize that they're both doctors. After about an hour, the man says to the woman, "Hey. How about if we sleep together tonight. No strings attached. It'll just be one night of fun." The woman doctor agrees to it.

So they go back to her place and he goes in the bedroom. She goes in the bathroom and starts scrubbing up like she's about to go into the operating room. She scrubs for a good 10 minutes. Finally she goes in the bedroom and they make love for an hour or so.

Afterwards, the man says to the woman, "You're a surgeon, aren't you?" "Yeah, how did you know?" The man says, "I could tell by the way you scrubbed up before we started." "Oh, that makes sense", says the woman. " You're an anesthesiologist aren't you?" "Yeah", says the man , a bit surprised. "How did you know?" The woman answers, "Because I didn't feel a thing."

24 hours to live !!

Barry returned from a doctor's visit one day and told his wife Carolyn that the doctor said he only had 24 hours to live.

Wiping away her tears, he asked her to make love with him, of course she agreed and they made passionate love.

Six hours later, Barry went to her again, and said: "Honey, now I only have 18 hours left to live. Maybe we could make love again?" Carolyn agreed and again they made love.

Later, Barry was getting into bed when he realized he now had only eight hours of life left.

He touched Carolyn's shoulder and said: "Honey? Please Just one more time.
She agreed, then afterward she rolled and fell asleep."

Barry, however, heard the clock ticking in his head, and he tossed and turned until it was down to only four more hours.

He tapped his wife on the shoulder to wake her up. "Honey, I only have four hours left! Could we ...?".

His wife sat up abruptly, turned to him and said: "Listen Barry, I'm not being funny but I have to get up in the morning and go to work while you don't!."