Trust!!

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye.

He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over.

The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him.

 "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

Advertisement !!

Advertisement painted on back of a delivery truck:

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Eastern
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(Read first letters vertically)

Confusion !!

Q: "Which Is The Most Difficult Sport In The World To Watch?"

Ans: "Women's Doubles Tennis."

Because 9 Balls Bounce At A Time And You are In Confusion Which One To Watch?

Remote!!

Ek Baar Ek Ladki Ko Ladke Wale Dekh Kar Jate Hai, Ladki Ki Maa Ladki Se Puchti Hai.

Maa: "Beti, Ladka Pasand Aya?"

Beti: "Ladka To Theek Hai, Par Thoda Chota Hai."

Maa: "TV 14 Inch Ka Ho Ya 29 Inch Ka, Remote To 7 Inch Ka Hi Hota Hai."

Dirty Mind -OL !!

What's hard and straight going in, soft and sticky coming out? - Chewing gum.

Naam!!!

Ek Dost Apne Dusre Dost Ke Bete Ki Birthday Party Pe Gaya Aur Uss Se Puchha.

Dost: "Yaar Tune Ape Bete Ka Naam Nirodh Kumar Kyu Rakha Hai?"

Dusra Dost: "Yaar Main Apni Wife Ke Sath Kar Raha Tha, Condom Slipp Hoke Ander Chala Gaya, Aur Uski Wajah Se Ye Hua, Isliye

Boss :)

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars". "Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man. The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?" To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

Heaven!!!

A woman dies and goes to heaven. As St. Peter is processing her, she hears a woman screaming in pain. She looks in the room and sees them drilling holes in the woman's shoulders to fasten the wings. Then she hears a man screaming and sees them drilling holes in his head to fasten the halo.

"I do not want to go to heaven", she tells St. Peter. "I'll go to the other place."

"You don't want to go there", he replies. "They rape and sodomize you down there."

"I don't care", she answers. "At least I already have holes for that."

Coincidence!!

A chicken farmer went to a local bar. Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!

'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me..I am celebrating'

'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked,

'What are you celebrating?' 'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

'That's great!' says the woman.'How did your chickens become fertile?' 'I used a different cock,' he replied.

The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

Staten Island Ferry!!

A young woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning.

That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the captain asked.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."

"He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."