Cheated :)

Generally a man does not go to the place again where he has been cheated once…

But many people still go to their in-laws place..????

Grocery money :)

He said to me: What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

I said to him: Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

Attention :)

If wife wants husband's attention, she just has to look sad & uncomfortable.

If husband wants wife's attention, he just has to look comfortable & happy.

The Chicken Story...

Mirchandani lived on a quiet rural highway but as time went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.

The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run over at a rate of three to six a day. 

So one day Mirchandani called the sheriff's office and said, "You've got to do something about all of these people driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."

"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day he had the county workers go out and erected a sign that said:

SLOW:​​ SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Mirchandani called the sheriff and said, "You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster."

So, again, the sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a new sign:

SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Mirchandani called and called and called every day for three weeks. Finally, he asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good.. Can I put up my own sign?"

The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign.." 

He was going to let Mirchandani do just about anything in order to get him to stop calling everyday to complain.

The sheriff got no more calls from Mirchandani.

Three weeks later, curiosity got the best of the Sheriff and he decided to give Mirchandani a call..  "How's the problem with those drivers.  Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did. And! not one chicken has been killed since then. I've got to go. I'm very busy."  He hung up the phone.

The sheriff was really curious now and he thought to himself, "I'd better go out there and take a look at that sign... It might be something that WE could use to slow down drivers..."

So the sheriff drove out to Mirchandani's house, and his jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign.  It was spray painted on a sheet of wood....

NUDIST COLONY, Go slow and watch out for chicks!

Difference!!

​

​The difference between being holy and being horny is knowing the difference between...

I am doing Pooja and I am doing Pooja.!!

Role :)

Pappu: Dad, l got selected for a role in a play for annual day! 

Dad: What role are you playing? 

Pappu: A husband! 

Dad: Stupid, ask for a role with dialogues!

Animal in me :)

​A small argument between a couple turns violent.

Husband says: Don't let the animal in me come out.

Wife replies: Who's afraid of a mouse!!!

​Horror :)

A Husband kills his wife while their 5 year old son was still sleeping.

The weird thing was that kid didn't ask for his mom even 3 days after she went missing.

Father:" Is there something that you want to ask me ? "

Kid : " I just wonder, why mom is always standing BEHIND YOU"

Swapping!!

He said to me: Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

I said to him: That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart.

Loving Relationship :)

There was a group of women gathered at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband.

The women were asked, 'How many of you love your husbands?'

All the women raised their hands then they were asked, 'When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?'

Some women answered today, some yesterday, some didn't remember..

The women were then told to take their cell phones and send the following text to their respective husbands:

I love you, sweetheart.

Then the women were told to exchange phones and read the responding text messages.Here are some of the replies:

1. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick?

2. What now? Did you crash the car again?

3. I don't understand what you mean?

4. What did you do now? I won't forgive you this time!!!

5. ?!?

6. Don't beat around the bush, just tell me how much you need?

7. Am I dreaming? ???????

8. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, you will die today...!!!

9. I asked you not to drink anymore!! and the best one

10. Who is this?