Disappointment!!!

Mr. White, the biology professor, at a posh suburban girl's school, asked during class, "Miss Smith, would you name the organ in the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times it's normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smith gasped, then said snottily, "Mr. White, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you that my parents will hear of this." With that, she sat down red faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. White called on Miss Jones, and asked the same question. Miss Jones, with complete composure replied,"The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct," said Mr. White. "Now, Miss Smith, I have three things to say to you: one, you have not studied the chapter I assigned. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will someday be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Two guys at Bar!!!

Two guys are drinking at a bar. The first says "Do you ever start thinking about something, and when you go to talk, you say something you don't mean?"

The Second guy says "Yeah, I was at the airport buying plane tickets, and the chick behind the counter had these huge
tits, and instead of asking her for 'two tickets to Pitts-burgh' I asked for 'two tickets to Titsburgh.'"

Parrot!!!

A woman wanted a pet so she went to the local pet shop. She looked at the dogs and the cats but finally settled on a parrot that was perched in the back of the store for $50.00.
She asked the shopkeeper why the parrot was so cheap, to which he replied, "Well, I have to tell you, the birds last owner was a madam at a whorehouse and he occasionally makes off color remarks that may offend some people."
Thinking that the price was right and she could handle anything he might say, she took him. When she got home she set the bird down on the table. He looked around and said, "New house, new madam".
"That's not so bad," she thought.
A little while later, her daughters got home from school, and the parrot spoke again, "New house, new madam, new whores."
Even though she felt a little insulted, she thought that wasn't so bad either.
Later that evening, her husband Ray came home.
The parrot again spoke out...
This time it said, "Hi Ray!"
The woman met with a divorce attorney the next day.

Waist!!!

Q: Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waste (waist)?
A: Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

Camping!!!

Three couples went camping only to discover that only two tents were packed for the trip. After a short discussion it was decided that the men would sleep in one tent while the women would share the other.

At about 2:00 am John was awakened by Bob, who was sleeping beside him, with a huge erection in his hand.

"Look the size of this, it must be all the fresh air, I'm going over to visit my wife!" Bob exclaimed.

"Would you like me to come with you?" John asked.

"Why would I want you to come?" Bob asked.

"Because that's my thing that you are holding in your hand."

A little child's prayer

"Dear God, this year please send clothes for all those poor ladies in Daddy's computer...


. .Amen" !!!

Appendix :)

Once a doctor got a telephone call in the middle of night. The caller sounded very excited. "Doctor, please come at once. My wife is in great pain and I am sure it is appendicitis" , he said.

The doctor assured him that there was no need to panic. "I will come in the morning." The man protested, "But doctor, my wife is really serious."

The doctor replied, "I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. She can not have another."

The caller protested, "That is alright doctor, but now I have got another wife!"

Share it, if you like it..

To get married!!!

A young gay man calls home and tells his Jewish mother that he has decided to go back into the closet because he has met a wonderful girl and they are going to be married. He tells his mother that he is sure she will be happier since he knows that his gay lifestyle has been very disturbing to her.
She responds that she is indeed delighted and asks tentatively,
"I suppose it would be too much to hope that she would be Jewish?" He tells her that not only is the girl Jewish but from a
wealthy Beverly Hills family. She admits she is overwhelmed by the news, and asks, "What is her name?"
He answers, "Monica Lewinsky".
There is a pause, then his mother asks, "What happened to that nice boy you were dating last year?"

Policy :)

A man stubbed his toe so badly he decided to go to the doctor.
When he arrived at the office, the nurse directed him to remove his clothes and wait in the next room.
"I just hurt my toe," complained the man. "Why do I need to take off my clothes?"
"Everyone who sees the doctor has to undress," explained the nurse politely. "It's our policy."
"Well, I think it's a stupid policy! Making me undress just to look at my toe! Geeez!"
From the next room another man's voice piped up. . . "That's nothing! I just came here to fix the telephone!

Cardiologist Funeral!!!

A Cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter.

When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral......I'm a Gynecologist. "

The Proctologist fainted.

Three priests!!!!

Three priests are chatting when the first priest says he's  going to give up red meat for lent.
 The second priest thinks for a minute and says he's going to give up sweets for Lent.
The third priest's attention had wandered to a passing woman wearing 4 inch heels and a tiny skirt when the first priest asks him what he was going to give up for lent.
After regaining control of himself he returns to the conversation and replies, 'Celibacy.'

Show-off!!!

nice one :)

Cheating Hen!!!

No Password

Tickle Me Elmo!!!

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 am. The next day at 8:45 am there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me image Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena .

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles.

Definitions of Designations

Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.

Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.

Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.

Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with a delivered baby.

Tester is a person who always tells that this is not the Right baby.

HR Manager is a person who thinks that... a Donkey can deliver a Human Baby - if given 9 Months !!!

Investment bank :)

The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.