Two Bros!!

The two young brothers watched through a keyhole as their older sister got in on with her boyfriend.

"Oh, Jim," she moaned. "You're about to go where no man has gone before!"

One brother looked at the other and snickered, "Well, I guess he's gonna screw her in the ass."

Dumb Salesman!!!

A furniture salesman decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a line that he thought would sell well back home in the States.

To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a glass of wine. As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite crowded, and that the one other chair at his table was the only vacant seat in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair. He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his language so, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her. She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.

After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded. They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing. She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.

Truth!!

A man and his wife are watching a pay-per-view boxing match on TV. After a first round knock-out the husband sighs and says, "What a rip off! It was all over in three minutes!"

The wife replies, "Now you know how I feel."

--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically what is your own"

Landing Area!!!

A young lady went to a dance and she had a low-cut strapless gown on.
Around her neck she wore a little golden airplane on a long chain. All night she noticed a young man staring at her.
In her embarrassment she held up the airplane and said "Oh you like my airplane huh?"
The young man smiled mischievously. "No ma'am... I was just admiring the landing area."

Love Line!!!!

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."

Fact -OL!!!!

After Monday & Tuesday even the calender says W T F :)

--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically what is your own"

Getting Married :)

"Honey," said this husband to his wife, "I invited a friend home for supper."

"What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!"

"Oh, I know all that."

"Then why did you invite a friend for supper?"

"Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married."

Test!!!

A young man was planning to get married and asked his doctor how he could tell if his bride is a virgin.

The doctor said, 'Well, you need three things. A can of red paint, a can of blue paint and a shovel..'

The man was astonished and asked, 'So what do I do with these?'

The doctor replied, 'Before the wedding night, you paint your one ball red and the other ball blue.

If she says, 'That's the strangest pair of balls I ever saw', you hit her head with the shovel.'.....

--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically what is your own"

The Visit!!!

A guy finally decides to get a prostitute for the first time. After she strips he notices something;

Guy: "How come you're ginger up there but black down there?"

Prostitute: "Have you ever hit your thumb with a hammer? What colour does it turn?"

Guy: "Black, why?"

Prostitute: "Well you should see the hammering this thing gets..

--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically what is your own"

Parrot :)

So this guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the other. He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what the strings are for.

"Well this is a highly trained parrot" the shopkeeper replies.

"If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue string he talks in English".

"Wow" exclaims the man shopping that's really neat "What happens if you pull them both at the same time?"

"I fall off my perch you idiot!" exclaims the parrot.

Secretary!!!!

The pretty young secretary had been transferred to the company's Dallas office.

"We operate the same here in Dallas as you did in Detroit," her boss told her.

"Alright then," she answered. "Pull your pants down so I can get started."

Restroom!!!!

A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation, and every once in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?'
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender.
'But, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'Every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out!'

Potentially and Realistically!!!

This little boy goes up to his dad and he says "Dad?, What's the difference between Potentially and Realistically?"

To which the father replies "Well son, go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then you ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then you ask your brother if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars."

So the boy goes up to his mom and asks her if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars and the mother replies "Oh my god, of course I would, he is so good looking!"

So the boy moves on and asks his sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars, and she replies "He is so fine, of course I would!"

Then last he goes up to his brother and asks him if he would sleep with Tom Cruise for a million dollars, his brother says "Of course I would, who wouldn't for a million bucks?"

So he goes up to his dad and says "I think I learned the difference between potentially and realistically"

"Tell me, what's the difference?" says the father.

"Well, potentially we're sitting on 3 million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 sluts and a fag!"

Gogalas :)

India's googly on Google :)

--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically
what is your own"

Everyone in the family!!!

"Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea," a patient told his urologist on the phone. "The only woman he's screwed is our maid."

"Ok, don't be hard on him. He's just a kid," the medic soothed. "Get him in here right away and I'll take care of him."

"But, Doc. I've been screwing the maid too and I've got the same symptoms he has."

"Then you come in with him and I'll fix you both up." Replied the doctor.

"Well," the man admitted, " I think my wife now has it too."

"Goddamn!" the physician roared. "That means we've all got it!"

Check-up!!!

A beautiful, young lady about 21 went to a doctor and asked for a check-up. The doctor claimed that he had to use a thermometer for the check-up. So the doctor asked her, "Where shall I put the thermometer? "
The girl replied, "...uh ...not in my mouth, Doc. I might swallow it."
"Okay...let' s try your armpit." the doctor suggested.
"Well, it might tickle me, Doc. How about my butt?" the girl queried.
"Okay then," so he put the thing in the girls butt.
Later, the girl while giggling exclaimed, "that's not my butt, Doc!"
The doctor replied, "That's okay dear... it's not the thermometer, either.