Universal Truth

The counselor!!

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.

"What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.

After 5...10...15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless.

He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!"

The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here every Tuesdays and Thursdays.

What comes after....!!!

A student got kicked out of the maths class one day. The teacher asked 'what comes after 69'.

Apparently., 'mouthwash' was the wrong answer...

Three Men!!!

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I was hiding inside the refrigerator..

Lady Driving :)

Doctor to injured patient:

"Jab car Ek lady chala rahi thi to tumko road se door chalna chahiye tha"

Patient: "Kaun sa road ? Dr Saaaab.... Main to park mei leta hua tha

Encyclopaedia :)

Seen in my local paper's "readers sales" section.

FOR SALE BY OWNER

Complete set of encyclopaedia Britannica.
45 Volumes. Excellent condition.
1000 pounds or best offer.

Reason for sale: No longer required.
Got married last weekend.
Wife knows everything.

Friend & Best Friend!!

What is the difference between friends and best friends?

When you are in hospital, friends ask: "How are you?"

Best friends ask: "Hey brother, how is the nurse?"

HAR EK friend zaroori hota hai!

Beta ghar late aaya to Dad ne pucha: "Where were you?"

Bete ne kaha: "Friend ke ghar tha."

Dad ne usi hi saamne uske 10 friends ko call kiya.

4 ne kaha: "Haan Uncle, Yahin par tha."
2 ne kaha: "Abhi just nikla hai."
3 ne kaha: "Yahin hai Uncle, Padh raha hai, Phone du kya?"
1 ne had hi kar di, kaha: "Haan Papa bolo kya hua"...!!!

Guilt & Shame!!

What is the difference between Guilt and Shame ??
Its GUILT to sleep with another woman...
But ...
Its a SHAME to miss the Opportunity...

Credit card :)

Standing in line at the clothing store counter, I watched as the woman ahead of me handed the clerk her credit card.

The customer waited for a long time while the saleswoman went to verify the account.

When she finally returned, the clerk said "I'm sorry, but this credit card is in your husband's name, and we can't accept it because our records show he is deceased"

With that, the woman turned to her spouse, who was standing next to her in line and asked "Does this mean I don't have to fix lunch for you today ?"

Very True :)

Gravy Ladle!!!

Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure."

So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner."

Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read:

"Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom

Hate ??

 

FATIMA MEHFOOZ

Raat Ke 3 Baje Phone Aya
"Hello! Yahan FATIMA MEHFOOZ Rehti Hai Kya?"
Boy:-Abe Saale Raat Ke 3 Baje Agar FATIMA Mere Paas Hoti To MEHFOOZ Rehti Kya.? =))

Psychic's prophecy :)

Jennifer visited a psychic of some local repute. In a dark and hazy room, peering into a crystal ball, the mystic delivered grave news:

"There's no easy way to say this, so I'll just be blunt. Prepare yourself to be a widow. Your husband will die a violent and horrible death this year."

Visibly shaken, Jennifer stared at the woman's lined face, then, at the single flickering candle, then down at her hands. She took a few deep breaths to compose herself.

How could she go, without knowing?

She simply had to know.

She met the fortune teller's gaze, steadied her voice, and asked, "Will I be acquitted?"

King or Queen!!!

A Newly Married Man Was Standing In Front Of A Mirror Naked.

And Was Admiring His Physique. "Two Inches More & I Will Be A King"

Suddenly The Wife Comes In And Says,"Two Inches Less & You Will Be A Queen"

Curse :)

A man goes to see a wizard and says: "Can you lift a curse that was put on me years ago?"

"Maybe" says the wizard, "If you can remember the exact words of the curse."

The man replies without hesitation: "I now pronounce you as man and wife!"

Serious Case :)

The doctor answered the phone and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.

"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.

"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?"

"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three other doctors are there already."

Harley rider!!!

Dianne goes to the doctor, and says, "Doctor, I've got a bit of a problem. I'll have to take my clothes off to show you."

The doctor tells her to go behind the screen and disrobe. She does so, and the doctor goes round to see her when she is ready.

"Well, what is it?" he asks.

"It's a bit embarrassing," she replies. "These two green circles have appeared on the inside of my thighs."

The doctor examines her and finally admits he has no idea what the cause is. Then he suddenly asks, "Is your boyfriend a Harley rider?"

The woman blushes and says, "Well, actually he is."

"That's the problem," the doctor says. "Tell him his earrings aren't real gold."

Car & Garage!!

A little boy and girl are in a bathtub, and are naked because they are too little too understand anything like that. The girl and boy ask each other: "What's that?" and they both reply: "I'll ask my parents."

So the boy goes home and asks his dad what it is. The dad looks solemnly at him and says: "Son, that's your car. You park it in a girls garage."

The girl goes home and says: "what's that?" The mother says: "That's your garage. don't let any boy park his car in it."

The next day they are again in the tub. The boy says its a car and remembers what his dad said. So he begins to put it in the girls "garage". But then the girl remembers what her mom said.

5 minutes later, the girl comes to the mom with blood all over her. The mother asks her what was wrong and she said: "Mommy, a boy tried to put his car in my garage, but I popped his two back tires.

Politician :)

A man went in for a brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him $10,000 or the Politician's which was $100,000.

"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.

"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."

Drunk Husband!!

Wife to drunk husband: From now on, if your lips touch liquor, you will never touch mine. What are you thinking?

Husband: Deciding, 18 year old scotch or 36 year old lips

Indian Brain :)

Mathematician: How do you write 4 in between 5?    
 
Chinese : Is this a joke?

Japanese : Impossible!
 
American : The question's all wrong!
 
British : It's not found on the Internet
 
And the Indian
 
Indian:  F(IV)E