Anthropomorphic :)

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably, because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider a gathering of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

Believe it or not....... a Congress!

Difference !!

Q: What's the difference between a child and an egg?

A: An egg is the result of a sitting hen and a child is a result of a standing cock.

Bodybuilder!!

A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That''s 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!"

She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

Dentures :)

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled, and new dentures were being made.

The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.

The second Sunday, he preached 15 minutes.

But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour and 25 minutes!

When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way:

The first Sunday, my gums were so sore, it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.

The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING!!!

Moorti !!

Pati kaam se ghar jaldi aa gaya, patni ne ye dekha to gabra kar premi ko powder laga kar, kone mein murti ki tarah khada kar diya

Pati kamre mein aya to usne moorti dekhi aur pucha

Pati: "ye kya hai?"

Patni muskurate hue boli: "ji ye murti Gupta ji ne di hai."

Pati kuch na bola, aur kaam kaaj mein vyast ho gaya aadhi raat ko uth kar murti ke aage sandwich rakh kar bola.

Pati: "kha lo gupta ji, parson main bhi tumhare ghar saari raat aise hi khada raha kisi ne pani tak bhi nahi puchha tha"

Three Pals!!

The wedding date was set and the groom's three pals - a carpenter, an electrician and a dentist were deciding what pranks to play on the couple on their wedding night.

The carpenter figured sawing the slats of their bed would give them a chuckle or two.

The electrician decided to wire the bed - with alternating current, of course.

The dentist wouldn't commit himself, but wore a sly grin and promised it would be memorable.

The nuptials went as planned and a few days later, each of the grooms buddies received the following note:

"Dear Friends, we didn't mind the bed slats being sawed. The electric shock was only a minor setback. But I swear by God Almighty, I'm going to kill whoever put novocaine in the condy!"

100% -OL :)

I always give 100% at work:13% Monday, 22% Tuesday, 26% Wednesday, 35% Thursday, 4% Friday"

Men will be Men!!

Do Cheeze Samaj Nahi Aayi!!

Zindagi Mein Do Cheeze Samaj Nahi Aayi Aaj Tak:

 

Pehli: "Ladkiyon Ki Jeans Mein Zip Ka Kya Kaam Hai?"

 

Doosri: "Jab Unke Paas Kuch Pakadne Ke Liye Hai Hi Nahi To Wo Bathroom Jane Ke Baad Hath Kyo Dhoti Hai?"

Ever Imagined!!

Ever Imagined, Why Our Ass Is Split Vertically ??

 

Because If It Was Split Horizontally, It Would Clap When You'd Run Down The Stairs !!!

Similarity !!

Whats The Similarity Between Sunny Deol And Sunny Leone???

 

They Both Shout A Lot In Their Movies….

Guy can understand this -OL !!

Only a guy can understand this: "Sun Is Not The Only Thing That Rises In The Morning"

Heaven & Hell!!

Question: "What Is Heaven?"

Answer: "Thousand Of Girls And Buckets Of Beer."

Question: "What Is Hell?"

Answer: "When You Come To Know That The Buckets Have Holes And Girls Don't."