Wedding Dress :)

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained.

"And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment.

"So why is the groom wearing black?"

Rejection!!

Teacher: Why does it take a million sperms to fertilize one Egg?

Student: Female Ego

Rejection without Reason

New Tagline!!

The managers of the Kissan Steak sauce company found the new billboard impressive. It showed a husband-type man seated in a restaurant with a large plate of steak and potatoes on the table, and a bottle of Kissan sauce.

The original title for the billboard was planned as "What does she know about your husband that you don't?"

The Board members felt that the ad was too suggestive, so they changed the tagline.

The new tagline was: "He gets it downtown, why not give it to him at home?"

Experiment :)

A druggist told a doctor friend that he has at last discovered one very good use of mother – in – law.

The doctor friend asked what it was?

Druggist replied, "To try newly discovered medicines on them before these are marketed for common human use"

Pregnant!!

A woman has been married for seven years, has six kids and is tired of being pregnant. So, she goes to talk to her priest and the priest tells her to go buy a ten-gallon bucket and stick her feet in it at night. She thanks him and goes off to do as he says.

Six months later, the priest sees her and, sure enough, she is pregnant again.

The priest asks her, "Didn't you follow my instructions?"

She said, "Yes, but that I could not find a ten gallon bucket, so I bought two five gallon buckets."

Shaadi!!

Boy 1 - "Yaar, Pili wali meri."

Boy 2 - "Acha? Lal wali meri phir."

Boy 3 - "Saale, Lal wali ke hi shaadi pe aya hai"

Naam!!

Girl before making it with her boyfriend asks,Hamare baby ka naam kya hoga?

Boy wears 5 condy's and says,Iske baad bhi hua to Rajnikant rakhenge

Mean it!!

Why is it that a girl looks down when you say I love you?

To see if you really mean it.

Speak Cautiously :)

A curious child asked his mother: "Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning Grey?"

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: "It is because of you, dear. 

Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hair Grey!"

The child replied innocently: "Now I know why grandmother has only Grey hairs on her head.

Little Johnny - Advertise!!

A substitute teacher walks into the classroom on the blackboard she sees a message. It says, "Little Johhny, has got the biggest tool, in the whole damn school!"

She yells, "Whose Little Johhny?"

A kid in the back stands up and says, "I'm Little Johhny."

"Well, Johhny, your staying after school!"

The very next day when the substitute teacher walks in, she looks up at the blackboard and written on it, it says, "PAYS to ADVERTISE."

Dreams:)

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it  to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams"

Cheque!!

Judge to prostitute : "So when did you realize you were raped?''

Prostitute : "When the cheque bounced"

Accident :)

There was a terrible bus accident. Unfortunately, no one survived the accident except a monkey which was on board and there were no witnesses. The police try to investigate further but they get no results. At last, they try to interrogate the monkey. The monkey seems to respond to their questions with gestures. Seeing that, they start asking the questions.

The police chief asks: "What were the people doing on the bus?"

The monkey shakes his head in a condemning manner and starts dancing around; meaning the people were dancing and having fun.

The chief asks: "Yeah, but what else were they doing?".

The monkey uses his hand and takes it to his mouth as if holding a bottle.

The chief says: "Oh! They were drinking, huh?!" The chief continues, "Okay, were they doing anything else?"

The monkey nods his head and moves his mouth back and forth, meaning they were talking.

The chief loses his patience: "If they were having such a great time, who was driving the stupid bus then?"

The monkey cheerfully swings his arms to the sides as if grabbing a wheel.

Little Johnny -Roses!!

One day the teacher came to class with a rose placed in her cleavage.

She asked, "Can anyone tell me what roses drink? How about you, Johnny?

"Milk!" answered Little Johnny.

"No, I'm sorry. That's the wrong answer. Roses drink water," explained the teacher.

"Wow!" Johnny exclaimed. "I didn't know the stem was that long!

Graffiti!!

Graffiti in Men's Toilet:

What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands!

Grapes :)

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks "Do you have any grapes?" The clerk screams at the duck, "You've come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don't have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I'll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!"

The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, "Do you have any nails?" The clerk replied, "No," and the duck said, "Good! Got any grapes?"

Hard Work!!

When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch her stomach and say, 'Congrats'!

But none of them comes and touches the man's 'weenie and says "Well done"!

Moral: Hard work is never appreciated, only result matters!

Presence of Mind!!

A guy went on a night out with his friends. The wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him.

At about midnight, the guy comes back and knocks.

His wife tells him, "Go back and sleep where you are coming from."

And guy answered, "I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condy's in my room on top of the table or give it to me through the window, there are lots of women at the party!"

His wife opened the door and said, "Idiot, you're not going anywhere. Get into the house!"

Result!!

Wife caught Husband sleeping with his girlfriend. Furious and angry she aimed a pistol at her husband.

Husband: Before you do anything silly let me explain. I read Mahatma Gandhi's autobiography last night 'My experiments with truth'. He used to sleep with young women to check his will power and control over carnal desires. I was just doing same....

Wife: What was the result..????

Husband: I realized that I'm not Gandhi bapu... I am Asaram bapu.

Hari Om :)

The new protocol issued for women after Asaram incident.

The moment you hear Hari Om.....kindly hurry home.

Politicians :)

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?"

The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

Chess :)

Chess says everything about men & women

King has to take things 1 step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants

Differences :)

Judge to Husband-Why are you divorcing your wife??

Husband-We have differences; She thinks she is a Goddess, I don't!!: "

Successful :)

Behind every Successful Man there is a Woman......;;) 

Because Women don't run behind Unsuccessful Man..!!!!

Second best thing!!

Drawing is the second best thing that requires your hands and imaginative power to work simultaneously....!! 

I think you know the first best thing!!!!! ;)

Choice :)

Men have only 2 choice:

1) Let women win the argument, then apologize.

2) Win the argument,watch women cry, then apologize.!

Expensive!!

Just found out,Mocha,Starbucks or Barista aren't really that expensive when you consider what Victoria's Secret charges for 2 Cups

Notice!!

The first thing men notice about woman is her eyes.Then, when her eyes aren't

looking, they notice other things 

Divorce-OL !!

Here is the definition of divorce....... She gets the ring and the man gets the finger !