Sins!!

On the wall of a church was a sign:
"If you are tired of sin, come to see us!"

And right below it in nice rounded letters;
"But if you're not, my phone number is 341 3451"

Anniversary!!

After celebrating their golden wedding anniversary, an old couple go to bed. Many of the guests at the party are spending the night in the house.

"Can you remember our wedding night 50 years ago?" asks the husband. "How I cut my finger so that everyone would believe you were still a virgin?"

"I remember," says the wife. "What do you want me to do now? Blow my nose on the sheet so everyone thinks you can still get it up?

Found -OL!!

For 4

​y

ears he thought he was good in bed,but then he found that his Wife had Asthma, so only she used to Say "Aah Aah..........

Wife not talking- Idea :)

Whenever you have a fight with your wife and she is not talking to you​, just tighten the cap ​of every Jar and Bottle in the ​h​ouse

Unity!!

The importance of 'Unity' explained at it's Best:

What did one leg of a Woman tell the other: "United we are saved, divided we are Screwed"

Great Answer!!!

Teacher: Prove that AB/AG + 2MP + 4WD + 9MC = ABC?

Student: "A Boy over A Girl + 2 Minute Pain + 4 White Drops + 9 Months Course = A Beautiful Child.

Fact -OL!!

A drunk guy is a Liability but a drunk girl is an Asset.

Confusing day!!

Which is the most confusing day in America?

FATHER'S DAY!...!

80% don't know whom to wish and the rest 20% are scared someone will come & wish them...

Facts :)

1. The most important thing for a woman is financial security.

2. Although this is so important, they still go out and buy expensive clothes and stuff.

3. Although they always buy expensive clothes, they never have something to wear.

4. Although they never have something to wear, they always dress beautifully.

5. Although they always dress beautifully, their clothes are always just "an old rag".

6. Although their clothes are always "just an old rag", they still expect you to compliment them.

7. Although they expect you to compliment them, when you do, they don't believe you.

Joke -OL!!

I was dating this girl for a while, and the first time she saw me naked, she said, "Is everything a joke with you?"

Lie detector!!

A man bought a Lie detector robot that slaps people who lie. He decided to test it at dinner: … 

DAD : Son where were you today during school hours? 

SON : At school

(robot slaps the Son and he immediately changes his mind)

Okay I went to the movies! 

DAD : Which one?

SON : Harry Potter

(robot slaps Son again!)

Okay I was watching porno.

DAD : What? When I was your age I didn't even know porno!

(robot slaps dad)

MUM : hahahahaha! After all he is your Son!

(robot gives Mum a hot dirty slap)

Who was .....!!

During a course in human sexuality, the instructor was discussing various items in the Kinsey report.

The class members gasped audibly when the instructor read out that a woman had several hundred orgasms in a single session.

A male voice said, "Wow, who was she?"

A female voice followed with, "The hell with that... Who was HE?"

Evolution of Man!!

Without Marriage "Spider Man"

On Marriage Day "Super Man"

After Marriage "Gentle Man"

If wife is beautiful then rest of life

​ 

"Watch Man"....

Unnecessary Problems!!

There are 3 things in life that cause unnecessary problems when they break:

1. ​​
   ​​
   Love
2. Friendship and
   ​​
3. Condys!

Financial Planning :)

Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with which to share his fortune. 

One evening at an investment meeting he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

'I may look like just an ordinary man,' he said to her, but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit $65 million.' 

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card. 

Three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

Death Notice!!

When her husband passed away, the wife put the usual death notice in the newspaper, but added that he had died of gonorrhea.

Once the daily newspapers had been delivered, a good friend of the family phoned and complained bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."

Replied the widow, "Yes, I know that he died of diarrhea, but I thought it would be better for posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit that he really was."

Haircut!!

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said: "About 2 hours." The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?".

The barber looked around at the shop and said: "About 3 hours." The guy left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked: "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looked around the shop and said: "About an hour only."

The guy left. The barber turned to a friend and said: "Hey, Bill, do me a favour. Follow that guy and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he doesn't ever come back".

A little while later, Bill returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.

The barber asked: "So where does that guy go when he leaves?"

Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said: "To your wife!"

Profession!!

Teacher: What do you want to become?

Student: Doctor.

Teacher: Why?

Student: Because it's the only profession where you can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it

911 Calls :)

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one 

Caller: Hi, is this the police? 

Dispatcher: This is 911. Do you need police assistance? 

Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before. 

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What is the nature of your emergency? 

Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it. 

Dispatcher: This is nine eleven. 

Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one 

Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing. 

Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid. 

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency? 

Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart. 

Dispatcher: Is this her first child? 

Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband 

Dispatcher: Nine-one-one 

Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.

Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? 

Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn.... 

Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? 

Caller: No 

Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing? 

Caller: Running from the police

Daddy!!

According To A Study.

70 Percent Of Men Don't Know How To Wear A Condom Properly.

Do You Know What Such Men Are Called?

Daddy!

Bavishya !!!

College Ke Boys Toilet Mein Likha Tha: "Aapka Bavishya Aapke Hath Mein Hai"

Girls Toilet Mein Likha Tha: "Apne Bavishya Mein Ungli Na Karein"

Contraceptive Pill -OL!!

It's the second best thing that a women can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy.

Disappointment!!

A

​wo

man

​r​

ealizing

​a

fter A Long Long Search In Google That

​ 

Philips-21 Inch, was actually

​a

 TV & Not Weenie..!!

Bikini!!

Bikini

​ i​

s

​l​

ike Balance Sheet,

What It Reveals Is Exciting,

But What It Conceals Is Mind Blowing