Globalization :)

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come ?

Answer: An English princess with an

Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a

French tunnel, driving a

German car with a

Dutch engine, driven by a

Belgian who was drunk on

Scottish whisky: followed closely by

Italian Paparazzis in

Japanese motorcycles; treated by an

American doctor, using

Brazilian medicines.

And moreover this is sent to you by a

Indian, using

American  (Bill Gates's) technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that use

Taiwanese chips, and a

Korean monitor, assembled by

Bangladeshi workers in a

Singapore plant, transported by

Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by

Indonesians, unloaded by

Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by

Mexican illegals.... . That, my friend, is

'' Globaliz ation ''

Value :)

There once lived a great mathematician in a village outside Ujjain. He was often called by the local king to advice on matters related to the economy. His reputation has spread as far as Taxila in the North and Kanchi in the South. So it hurt him very much when the village headman told him, "You may be a great mathematician who advises the king on economic matters but your son does not know the value of gold or silver."

The mathematician called his son and asked, "What is more valuable – gold or silver?" "Gold," said the son. "That is correct. Why is it then that the village headman makes fun of you, claims you do not know the value of gold or silver? He teases me every day. He mocks me before other village elders as a father who neglects his son. This hurts me. I feel everyone in the village is laughing behind my back because you do not know what is more valuable, gold or silver. Explain this to me, son."

So the son of the mathematician told his father the reason why the village headman carried this impression. "Every day on my way to school, the village headman calls me to his house. There, in front of all village elders, he holds out a silver coin in one hand and a gold coin in other. He asks me to pick up the more valuable coin. I pick the silver coin. He laughs, the elders jeer, everyone makes fun of me. And then I go to school. This happens every day. That is why they tell you I do not know the value of gold or silver."

The father was confused. His son knew the value of gold and silver, and yet when asked to choose between a gold coin and silver coin always picked the silver coin. "Why don't you pick up the gold coin?" he asked. In response, the son took the father to his room and showed him a box. In the box were at least a hundred silver coins. Turning to his father, the mathematician's son said, "The day I pick up the gold coin the game will stop. They will stop having fun and I will stop making money."

Cricketer!!!

A lady walked into a Police Station and the desk sergeant said "Can I help you?"

"Yes" she said, "I'd like to report a case of sexual assault".

"Where did it happen?" the Sergeant asked."In the park just down the road" she replied.

"Can you describe what happened?"

"Yes, I was walking along the footpath in the park near the trees when a man jumped out of the bushes and dragged me in there, removed my dress then he dropped his pants to his knees and had his way with me".

"Could you give me a description of him?"

"Yes, he was wearing white shoes, long white trousers, a white shirt and he had these two big long pads from his feet up to and over his knees, one on each leg".

"Sounds to me like he was a cricketer, most probably a batsman", said the Sergeant.

"Yes", said the lady, "He was an English Cricketer".

"That's very observant", said the Sergeant, "You worked that out from his accent?"

"No", she replied.

"I worked it out because he wasn't in for very long".

Worst thing -OL!!!!!

What's the worst thing a bride can say on her wedding night? - "I'm glad I didn't throw my vibrator away."

Know where you're going in life :)

A boat docked in a tiny Irish fishing village. An American tourist complimented the local fishermen on the quality of their fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long." they answered in unison.

"Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?"

The fishermen explained that their small catches were sufficient to meet their needs and those of their families.

"But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"We sleep late, fish a little, play with our children, and take relax with our wives. In the evenings, we go into the village to see our friends, have a few drinks, play the fiddle and sing a few songs. We have a full life."

The tourist interrupted, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?"

"With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant.

You can then leave this little village and move to Dublin, London or even New York City !

From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?"

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years." replied the tourist.

"And after that?"

"Afterwards? Well my friend, that's when it gets really interesting," answered the tourist, laughing. "When your business gets really big, you can start buying and selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the fishermen.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings drinking and enjoying your friends."

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what we are doing now. So what's the point wasting twenty-five years?" they asked.

And the moral of this story is: Know where you're going in life...  you may already be there...

Blonde at Casino

An attractive blonde arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'

The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

Moral of joke: Not all Blondes are stupid!!! Men are Men :)

Advice!!!!

Mother, I have a dilemma, and am torn between two decisions.

Okay, what is your problem my dear?

Well I love Michael, he's handsome, exciting, but poor. Andy is my other suitor, he is homely, dull, but filthy rich.

My dear, the answer is clear!

And what is that?

Marry Andy and hire a pool boy.

--
A good way to change someones attitude is to change our own, because the same sun that melts butter, also hardens clay!

Sound Advice :)

A Philosopher is giving speech in a crowed, he told to the people, "Always listen to your wife as she gives 100% sound advice."

People from the crowed asked him, "Please Sir, tell in details how the wife gives 100% sound advice?"

The Philosopher replied, "99% sound and 1% advice."

Argument -OL :)

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

For all those FaceBook Lovers!!!

--
"Never ignore your gut feelings even in a very complex situation"

Advantage!!!!

Nuns ran an orphanage for girls in a rural part of Georgia. One day, the Mother Superior called in 3 teenage girls who were about to leave and seek their way in life.

"You have led a very sheltered life and you are going into an extremely sinful world." she said. "I must warn you that men will take advantage of you. They'll do anything to get their way. They'll take you to restaurants, buy you drinks and dinner, then back to their apartments and motels where they'll undress you, do terrible things, give you twenty or thirty dollars and kick you out."

"Excuse me, Mother." one of the girls asked. "You mean men will take advantage of us and give us cash?"

"Yes child, why do you ask?"

"Because the priests only give us candy!"

--
A good way to change someones attitude is to change our own, because the same sun that melts butter, also hardens clay!

True Fact - OL :)

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does!!!!!!

Successful Man & Woman -OL :)

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Maths - OL :)

A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.

Some Days!!!

Future - OL :)

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Equations!!!!

Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Cookies :)

There was an elderly man at home, upstairs, dying in bed.

He smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies baking. He wanted one last cookie before he died. He fell out of bed, crawled to the landing, rolled down the stairs and crawled into the kitchen where his wife was busily baking cookies.

With his last remaining strength he crawled to the table and was just barely able to lift his withered arm to the cookie sheet. As he grasped a warm, moist chocolate chip cookie, his favorite kind, his wife suddenly whacked his hand with a spatula.

"Don't touch those!" she said, "They are for the funeral."

Wish :)

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.

The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.

The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"