Devotion!!

Larry had been away from home on business for several days. On his return, his wife told him how much the dog had missed him. "Every night, Buzo would be waiting by the front door for you coming home" she said.

"Wow, that is devotion" Larry replied. "Would you be that concerned?"

"Darling" she replied "If you had been gone all night and I had no idea where you went, you bet your life that I would be waiting at that front door when you got back".

God's Message!!!

Every year A guy entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did.

Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall.

She was bending and he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums.

He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again...

The winning number was 707!

Romantic note :)

It was a sunny morning and I found a pretty red rose with a long stem on the kitchen table.

I was wondering how after all these years of marriage, my husband could still be so romantic. There was a small love note placed next to it.

It read - "Darling, please DO NOT touch the rose. I am using it's stem to unclog the drain."

Love bite!!

A husband gets love bite on neck from his secretary. 

He goes home worried, allows his pet dog to jump on him and shouts, "He bit my neck".

The wife removes bra and says, "See what he did to me!"

Telling a lie :)

​​Telling a lie is

1. Sin for a child.

2. Fault for an adult.

3. An art for a lover.

4. A profession for a lawyer.

5. A requirement for a politician.

6. An accomplishment for a bachelor.

7. A management tool for a Boss.

8. An excuse for a subordinate.

9. A matter of survival for a married man !!!

Revenge!!

Danny discovers his wife is cheating with another guy, so he goes to the guy's wife and tells her about it.

"I know what we will do," she says. "Let's take revenge on them."

So they go to a motel and take revenge.

After 10 mins, she says, "Let's take more revenge," and they take revenge again.

So like this, they kept taking more & more revenge...

After 5 times, Danny was lying spent, and she said, "Lets take revenge again." Danny said,"I cant... I have no more hard feelings left !!!!"

Virgin bride!!

A woman was going to marry one of those guys that wants a virgin bride. Since she was not, she went to a doctor to reconstruct her hymen.

The doctor told her that would cost around $500, but there was another way that will cost only $50.

The woman agreed to try the cheap way, paid the money, and the doctor worked on her for several minutes.

After the first night, the woman came back to the doctor and told him that it was perfect.

The pain, the blood, everything was there. She asked him how he did it.

"I tied your pubic hair together" he answered.

Left behind!!

Mary called her gynac after returning home from an examination. She asked the gynac,  "Doctor, can you please check if by chance I left my panties in your office?"

The doctor went into the examining room, had a look around and returned to the phone, "I'm afraid I can't see them here."

"Sorry to trouble you, doctor," Mary said. "I'll try my dentist."

Schnauzer!!

My neighbor found out that her dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the veterinarian. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

The lady went to the store and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the register, the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "If you're using it on your legs, don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well stay off your bicycle for about a week."