Size!!

A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.

"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside" she asked earnestly?

"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet", counseled the therapist.

So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.

When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit."

Dirty Joke!!

You wanna hear a dirty joke?

A boy in a white shirt fell in the mud.

You wanna hear a dirtier joke?

He got back up and fell back down.

You wanna hear a clean joke?

He took a bath with Bubbles.

You wanna hear the dirtiest joke so far?

Bubbles is the girl next door.

Drinks!!

After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said: What can I get you, gorgeous?

The woman, blushed and replied: If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please.

The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear: 

Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?

Virgin Wool!!!

Jeff beckoned to a salesman in the department store, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannequin that Eunice was admiring, and asked, "Excuse me young lady, how much is this dress?"

"That dress is Pound 799.95, Sir," sneered the rather snotty saleswoman.

"Pound 799.95? For Pound 99.95 I could get the same dress at the Bargain store downtown!"

"But sir," said the saleswoman, "You'll find that the dress downtown is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool."

Jeff says, "So? For Pound 800 I should care what the lambs do at night?"

Meant to say something!!

Two married Fellas, Jim and Alec were having a beer after work. Jim says: "Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?"

"How do you mean?" said Alec.

"Well, see the other day, instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg"

"Yeah, I know what you mean," said Alec. "Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say 'Pass me the Sugar.' But what came out was "You bitch, you've ruined my life!!!"