Top 10 of Everything..FYI

 Top 10 of Everything

COUNTRIES

  

     

  

  

  

  

    

  

  

VACATIONS

  

  

AUTOMOBILES

  

  

BUSINESS & CONSUMERISM

  

  

  

MISCELLANEOUS

  

SPECIFIC TO THE U.S.

   

Management Lesson :)

A group of junior-level executives were participating in a management-training program. The seminar leader pounded home his point about the need to make decisions and take action on these decisions.

"For instance," he said, "if you had five frogs on a log and three of them decided to jump, how many frogs would you have left on the log?"

The answers from the group were unanimous: "Two."

"Wrong," replied the speaker, "there would still be five because there is a difference between deciding to jump and jumping.

Today's Manager :)

Bear Hunting!!!!

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting.

He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, "That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices. Either I maul you to death or we make love."

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative. So the black bear had his way with Frank.

Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the black bear and shot it dead. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder.

This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, "That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have "rough Love."

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

Now Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the grizzly bear and shot it.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was a tap on is shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, "Admit it Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"

Firemen!!!

The firemen finally get a huge fire under control, and Chief Mattea has all of his men accounted for except Olson and Rosolino. After a few minutes' search, the chief looks down an alley, and there's Rosolino, leaning over a trash can. His pants are down to his ankles, and Olson is banging away from behind.

Chief Mattea says, "What the hell is going on?"

Olson says, "Rosolino passed out from smoke inhalation."

The chief says, "Smoke inhalation? You're supposed to give him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation!"

Olson says, "I did, Chief. That's how this shit got started."

Couple!!!

My boyfriend and I were at my daughter's volleyball game when we noticed an adult couple in the bleachers.
They were being VERY affectionate. She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear.
He had his hands on her chest. I said to my boyfriend,
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game."
He said, "Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball."

Life before computers..

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
And a keyboard was on a piano!
Memory was something that you lost with age
And a CD was a bank account
And if you had a corrupted disk
It would hurt when you found out!
Compress was what you did to garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while!
Log on was adding wood to a fire
A hard drive was a trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to the commode!
Cutting, you did with a pocket knife,
Pasting, you did with glue.
The Web was where a spider lived
And a virus was the flu!

Parrot :)

A young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. The parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like, "He has a card up his sleeve" or "He has a dove in his pocket."

One day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. For a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. Finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, "Okay, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"

Good Advice!!!!

Maury and Pauly were in the barn, and Pauly was relating his quandary:

"I don't know what decision I should make. I'm currently being pursued by a 23-year-old aspiring model who hasn't
got a dime to her name and also by a 69-year-old widow with bazillions of dollars."

"Hmmm," said Maury. "In your place, I wouldn't hesitate a second. With your age and looks, it's obvious that you're
never again in your lifetime going to get the attention of a 23-year-old, even if she is broke and only an aspiring
model. What counts is youth and beauty. In your place, I'd send the old bat off and then set up housekeeping with the
beauty."

"You're right!" says Pauly. "It's just amazing how friends can see the situation so clearly and offer such good advice."

"No problem," says Maury, "but could you give me that widow's name and number?"

Indian Soldier!!!!

An Indian joins the army. As he can't speak English, his friend joins with him to act as translator. After training
they are sent to war and soon find themselves in the heat of battle. After a short skirmish they are separated.

The non-English speaking Indian ends up in a fox hole with three huge marines.

The first marine says to the rest, "I'm not waiting here to be killed I'm gonna try to make it back to the rest of the
troops."

He then jumps out of the foxhole and starts to run across the field. He gets about fifty yards before he is cut in half by machine gun fire.

The second marine says, "I agree with him. I'm gonna try to make it back."

He jumps out of the hole and starts to run. Twenty yards out he steps on a mine and is blown to bits.

The third and largest marine says, "The hell with this I'm gonna wait here for the troops to save us."

After trying to talk to the Indian he soon realizes he doesn't speak English. Thinking Indians know sign language he again tries to communicate.

Walking his fingers across his hand he asks the Indian, "Are you in the infantry?"

The Indian just looks at him.

Then putting two fingers together and bringing down in an arc he asks, "Are you with the paratroopers?"

Still no response.

This time he puts one finger between two on the other hand and says, "Boom, boom, are you with artillery?"

Again no response.

The marine says, "I know", putting his hands over his eyes to mimic using binoculars he says, "you're with reconnaissance,right?"

With this the Indian jumps out of the hole and runs like hell He zigzags back and forth through the field using any cover he can find till finally he makes it back to his squad.

There he finds his Indian friend.

His friend asks, "Are you crazy you could have been killed?"

The Indian replies, "My chances better in field than that foxhole! In the last foxhole, a big marine tell me, 'When
troops go home and moon go down him gonna screw my ass till eyes bug out!'"

I just did that :)

A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately there is a pile of shit just outside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.

A great, big, bear of a man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.

The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, "I just did that."

The big guy punches him in the mouth.

Bee!!!

Lady golfer storms angrily into club house.
Golf PRO: What's wrong?
Lady: Got stung by a bee.
PRO: Where?
Lady: Between the 1st and 2nd hole!
--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically what is your own"

THE WEDDING TEST!!!

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me....It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view.

It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car :)

Heart Burn - OL :))

Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Next time, take off the candles."

Wondering what OL is in the Subject : It's One Liner :))))))

--
"Chance favors the prepared mind."

Interesting story!!!!

A young journalism graduate from University had gone to work for the Local newspaper. His first assignment was to write a brief human interest story. An idea came to him and he returned to one of the most remote areas he knew of in his home state.

Deep in the woods, he came upon a farmer's house and decided this would be a good place to start.

He introduced himself to the back country farmer and explained why he was there. The farmer agreed to answer his questions.

The reporter asked the farmer what event in his life had made him the happiest?

Farmer replied, "One time a neighbor lost one of his sheep. We all formed a posse and found it. After we all screwed it we took it back to the farmer that lost it."

"I can't print that," said the reporter, "Is there another event that made you really happy?" Farmer thought for a minute and said, "Yep. One time the daughter of another local farmer got lost. She was a good-lookin' young girl. We all formed a posse and found her. After all of us screwed her, we took her back to her daddy."

Again the reporter knew he couldn't print the story and decided to take a different tack. He asked Farmer, "Is there any event in your life that has made you really sad?"
Farmer hung his head and replied, "Well, I got lost once."

--
"Absorb what is useful, reject what is useless and add specifically what is your own"

Friend's of Women and Men!!!!

Friendship Between Women:

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:

A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there