Smell & Tell!!!!

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.

The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
   
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the  menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer. I'll smell it and order from there."

A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.

"Ah, yes, that's what I'll have -- meatloaf and mashed potatoes."

Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened.

The blind man eats his meal and leaves.

Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.

"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."

"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."

The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.

After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."

Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.

The blind man eats and leaves.

He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming and runs to the kitchen.

He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."

Mary complies and hands her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.

"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."

The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here..."

Drunk!!!

One night a man was getting very drunk in a pub. He staggered back to take a piss, whipping his prick out as he went in the door.

However, he had wandered into the ladies room by mistake, surprising a woman sitting on the can, "This is for ladies!" she screamed.

The drunk waved his prick at her and said "So is this!"

Gyno!!!

A lady went to the gyno for an examination.

As the doctor moved his head down between her legs he said excitedly, "That's the biggest one I've ever seen! That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"

"You didn't have to say it twice!", she said with embarrassment.

"I didn't!" he replied.

Stupid Question!!!!

A guy meets a girl in the bar and she goes home with him. When they are relaxing after making love, he asks, "Am I the first guy you ever made love to?"

She looks at him for a few moments and says, "of course you are!" she said. "Why do you men always ask that same stupid questions?"

Puzzled!!!

A boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.
"Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"
She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"
She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"
"Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."
Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son, "but why are you so curious, Broken Rubber?"

True Fact - OL :)

Having sex is like playing bridge.If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand

--
The secret  of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.

Heights of Double Meaning!!!

DAD went to school to get son's report card.
DAD: Mam kab dengi aap?
MAM: Periods khatam hone ke baad.. :-)

Chinese to USA!!!

5 Chinese, Chu, Bu, Hu, Fu and Su decided to immigrate to the US .

In order to get a visa, they had to adapt their names to American standards.

Chu became Chuck

Bu became Buck

Hu became Huck

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Fu and Su decided to stay in China

Men -OL!!!

Men are like........bank accounts. They're only useful when they are loaded

Young couple after wedding night!!!

A young couple had just gotten married and spent their first wedding night with the young man's parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from her garden and gourmet food. She went to the bottom of the stairs and called everyone to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except the newlyweds.

After a long wait, the family ate without them. The mother said, I wonder why they never came down to eat?"

The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..."

"Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!" said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate comments from the eight-year-old.

At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five minutes went by and she called again. After another long wait, the family proceeded to eat. As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said, "I wonder why they never came down to eat?"

Once again, the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately shut him up. At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal, mothers once again
questioned why they had not come down to eat all day. The young lad once again said, "Mommy I think..."

"Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother rather testily.

"I think that when my big brother came down to get the Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!

Thought for the Day !!!!!

Experience speaks..

                

Make a Sentence!!!!!

teacher:::-- -- make a sentence  with the word '''hand'''
student ::--- my penis in your hand..
teacher  slaps him
student ::-- sorry teacher forgot to put space in between pen and is ....

Corporate Lesson :) - New Look

Now take a new look at the same story…

The washer man was a well educated man from a premier management institute.

He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night.

He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a bottom up approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it.

Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and became his favorite pet.

The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well. In the annual appraisal the dog managed a " meets requirement" Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around.

The donkey was rated as "star performer". The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a job rotation…

If you have worked in a corporate environment, I am sure you have guessed the characters of the new story.

Kuchh Nai...

How often have you asked a friend, who is visiting you in the evening,"What will you have?" and been told "Kuchh nai"-- Kuchh nai ? ---  Especially --- from the friend's spouse? And now, this Indian from England has come up with the appropriate response: He promptly pulls out THIS  bottle!!   CHEERS..!!!

Corporate Lesson :)

There was once a washer man who had a donkey and a dog.

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake.

The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson.

The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly.

Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.

Moral of the story "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Life is SAME :)

Life is beautiful!!!
 
20 years back - School bag.
Today                - Office bag.

20 years back - Lekhak Note book.
Today               - HP Note book.

20 years back - Hero Ranger.
Today               - Hero Honda.

20 years back - Half pants.
Today               - Full pants.

20 years back - Playing with plastic car running on battery and remote.
Today               - Playing with metal car running on petrol and gear.

20 years back - Scared of Teachers and exams.
Today               - Scared of Bosses and targets.

20 years back - Wanting to be class topper.
Today               - Wanting to be 'Employee of the month'.

20 years back - Quarterly exams.
Today               - Quarterly results.

20 years back - Annual School Magazine.
Today              - Company Annual Report.

20 years back - Annual exams.
Today              - Annual appraisals.

20 years back - Pocket money.
Today               - Salary.

20 years back - Waiting for Diwali crackers.
Today               - Waiting for Diwali bonus.

20 years back - Running after grades and prize cups.
Today               - Running after incentives and promotions.

20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market.
Today               - Craving for the latest gadget in the market

20 years back - Eager to watch the latest cartoon show.
Today              - Eager to watch the latest blockbuster.

20 years back - Fruity.
Today              - Brandy.

20 years back - Crush on class mate.
Today              - Crush on colleague.

So essentially nothing has changed!! 

Know The Facts

An Old man was sitting with his 25 years old son in the train. Train is about to leave the station. the young man was filled with a lot of joy and curiosity. He was sitting on the window side. He took out one hand and felt the passing air. He shouted, "Papa see all trees are going behind". Old man smile and admired his son's feelings.  Beside the young man was a couple that were sitting and listening to the whole conversion between father and son.  They felt a little awkward with the attitude of the 25 years old man behaving like a small child.

Suddenly the young man again shouted, "Papa see the pond and animals. Clouds are moving with train".

The couple watching the young man were now embarrassed. It started raining and some of the water drops touched the young man's hand.  He was filled with joy and he closed his eyes. He shouted again," Papa it's raining, water is touching me, see papa". The couple couldn't help themselves and asked the old man. "Why don't you visit the Doctor and get treated your son?"  
 
The old man said," We are coming from the hospital. My son got his eyes for first time in his life".

Moral: "Don't draw conclusions until you know all the facts".

--
A slave is he who cannot speak his thoughts.