Anniversary Gifts!!

A rich man and a poor man have the same wedding anniversary.

The poor man asks the rich man, "What did you get your wife this year?"

"I got her a Mercedes and a huge diamond ring," he replies.

"Why did you get her both?" the poor man asks.

"If she doesn't like the ring, she can still enjoy the Mercedes when she returns the ring," the rich man replies.

"What did you get your wife?" the rich man inquires.

"A pair of slippers and a dildo," the poor man replies.

"Why did you get her that?" the rich man asks. "If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go screw herself!"

Too Late to Hurry!

The four newlyweds spent their honeymoon at the Niagara Falls. They occupied adjoining rooms, sat at the same table, and were inseparable.

One evening after dinner as they were returning to their rooms, there was lightning and the lights went off. It was pitch dark, and groping their way they made it to their rooms, and quietly undressed.

Jack a religious fellow knelt to pray. Just as he completed his prayer, the lights came on and that's when he saw that he was with his friend's wife. He jumped up and dashed for the door.

"Too late to hurry now," said the girl, "Joe never prays!"

Sniffer Dog!!!

Police officer George and woman Police officer Mary and their police dog had been assigned to walk a beat.

They had been out only a short time then Mary said, "Damn, I was running late this morning, I forgot to put on my panties! It is so uncomfortable. We have to go back to the station to get them."

"We don't have to go back," George replied. "Just give the dog one sniff between your legs, and he'll go fetch them for you."

Mary lifted her skirt for the dog. After ten seconds of sniffing, the dog took off toward the station house.

Twenty minutes later they heard sirens. Suddenly the dog rounded the corner with a dozen police cars in pursuit and the superintendent's balls in his mouth!

Advertisement!!

An ad found in the Canberra Times, Personal Section:

This bloke should have gotten a few replies simply for taking the time to think of this!

Wanted A tall well-built woman with good

reputation, who can cook frogs

legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

schia garden, classic music and tal-

king without getting too serious.

Interested? Then please only read lines 1, 3 and 5;

Still interested? Call me at.......

Little Johnny - Intercourse!!!

Johnny was 9 years old and was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids,when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what's that called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth.

"Well, dear, it's called intercourse."

"Oh," Little Johnny said, "OK," and went back outside to play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it isn't called intercourse. It's called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy's mom wants to talk to you."

Smart Answer :)

She: "Are you listening to me? 

He: "Yes." 

She: "What did I just say?" 

He: "Are you listening to me?"

Home for Lunch!!

At an art exhibition two women were staring at a painting entitled, "Home for Lunch".

The painting was of three very naked, and very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual was that the men on both ends of the bench had black weenie, but the man in the middle had a very pink weenie.

The two women were standing there, staring at the picture, trying to figure this out. The artist walked by and noticed the women's confusion.

"Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes" said the one woman. "We were curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink weenie?"

"Oh," said the artist. "I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting. The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the fellow in the middle went "Home for Lunch."

Coordination!!

Why is it good for young boys to read Playboy?

It improves hand-eye coordination!

Similarity :)

There is a similarity between Temples and stock markets. People enter both of them with lots of Hope and finally end up donating their money

The Secretary!

The directors of the company were called in to a chairman's office one by one until only the Company Secretary was left sitting nervously outside.

Finally, it was his turn to be summoned. He entered the office to find the chairman and the other eight directors seated solemnly around a table. He was invited to join them, which he did.

As soon as he had sat down the chairman turned to the company secretary and asked, "Have you ever slept with Miss Foyt, my secretary?"

"No, certainly not."

"Are you absolutely sure?" asked the chairman.

"Absolutely! I've never laid a finger on her."

"You'd swear to that?"

"Yes, I swear I've never slept with your secretary."

"Great !! Then you fire her......!"