Soap Dispenser!!!

Two men are off to the showers late one night.

They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.

one says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, while he is halfway down the hall when he sees three women heading his way....

Having no place to hide,  he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.

The women stop and comment on how life-like he looks. The first one suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look" says the first woman"it's a soap dispenser".

To test her theory the second one also pulls on his manhood. Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.

Now the third one decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three  times but nothing happens. So she gives several more tugs, then yells....

"Holy crap. HAND LOTION TOO"

Big Feet!!!

A woman went into a bar in Texas and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest feet she'd ever seen. The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet. The cowboy grinned and said, "Sure is, little lady! Why don't you come on out to the bunk house and let me prove it to you!"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill. Blushing, he said, "Well, thank ya Ma'am. I'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before.

The woman replied, "Don't be flattered. Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

Camel!!!

An Army Captain is assigned to a remote desert post in Iraq. During inspection, he notices a camel tied up outside the barracks. He asks the soldier, "why is that camel there?"

The soldier says: "There are 250 men here and no women. Sometimes men get urges."

A month later the Captian has urges himself. He puts the ladder behind the camel, drops his trousers and has it with the camel. He asks the soldier: "Is that how the men do it?"

"No sir, they usually ride it to the brothel!"

Family Planning!!!

Ek Aadmi Familly Planing Ke Liye Doctor Ke Clinic Pe Gaya.

Clinic Ke Bahar Ek Board Laga Thha Jispar Likha Thha

"Family Planning Ke Liye Kripya Piche Ka Rasta Istamal Kare"

Ye Padd Kar Vo Aadmi Ghar Aa Gaya Aur Vakiye Hi Ab Sab Kuch Control Mein Hai

7 dwarves !!!

7 dwarves went to meet the pope. "Go on Dopey, ask" chanted the other 6. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there nuns in Alaska?"

"Yes" said the pope.

"Go on Dopey, ask him" urged the other 6 dwarves. "Ok" said Dopey, "Sir, are there black nuns in Alaska?".

"Yes there are" said the pope.

"Go on Dopey, ask him" said the others. Dopey blushed and asked "Sir, are there midget nuns in Alaska?"

"No, i don't think so" said the pope.

All 6 of the other dwarves leapt up shouting "Dopey shagged a penguin! Dopey shagged a penguin!"

Perfect Logic :)

This is a story which is perfectly logical  to all males:

A wife asks her husband,  "Could you please go shopping for me  and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why  did you  buy 6 cartons of milk?" He replied, "They had eggs."

(I'm sure you're going back to read it again!) 

Confession!!!

An elderly man who lived on the outskirts of went to the local church for confession.

When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said: 'Father....during World War II, a beautiful woman from our
neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the soldiers. So I hid her in my attic.'

The priest replied: 'That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess that.'

'There is more to tell, Father... She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on
Sundays'

The priest said, 'That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger, but two people under those
circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven'

'Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question.'

'And what is that?' asked the priest.

'Should I tell her the war is over?''

Ladies ke sath log kaise baat karte hai...

Petrol  Wala: Kitna Dalu ? 

Dhobi: Aap Kapde Nikal Ke Rakho, Mai  Abhi aata hoon....

Xerox Wala: Aage Piche dono Taraf Se Karu,  Ya Sirf  ek Side Se...

Fruit wala : Kele ka size to  dekho, dil khush ho jayega.....

Bank wala : So so ke du tu  chalega ?

Auto wala : Aage se nahi jayega, pichese lu ? 

Paper wala : Kal me neeche se dal ke gaya  tha..

Fumes!!!

The two ladies were discussing a news article concerning gasoline fumes causing impotence in the male.

"Aren't you worried about your husband's new job at the gas station? Those fumes could cause him to lose the lead in his pencil."

"Doesn't matter." giggled the other lady. "He doesn't do all my writing anyway."

Favorite animals!!!

What are a woman's four favorite animals?

A mink in the closet, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.

Lift!!!

Ek Ladka Car Mein Ja Raha Tha Usne Ek Ladki Ko Sadak Par Pedal Chalte Dekh Kar Car Rok Kar Pucha

Ladka: "Madam Kya Apko Lift Chahiye?"

Ladki: "Nahi! Please Main Teen Din Se Lift Hi Le Rahi Hun Aaj Mujhe Ghar Jane Do."

Bailout :)

It HURTS!!!

Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband's rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don't do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed's behind. The mortician can't believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he does it. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man's ear, "It HURTS, doesn't it?"

Normal Person :)

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director: "How do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized."

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor "a normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No." said the Director, "a normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Ugly Desperate Woman!!!

An Ugly Desperate Woman Went To A Priest Because No One Like Her.

Priest: "Only After Death All Men Will Be Yours."

She Went To Bridge And Jumped But She Fell On A Truck Full Of Bananas.

She Lost Senses And Was Unable To See.

She Touching Her Surrounding, Feeling All The Bananas She Smiled And Said:

"Gentlemen, One At A Time Please"

Intelligent :)

One man said to a friend: "You know, men with long hair always appear intelligent."

Friend: "Sure, but not always. One day my wife found a long hair on my jacket and I appeared quite foolish giving all sorts of explanations."