Too Shy!!!

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine".

Streaker in a Gym!!!

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates.

"Thank goodness!!! He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he's passing.

"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.

He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

"Wait a minute!!!" she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"

Advice!!

Please share this advice with all girls:

Do not play with 'Dogs', you may get RABIES.

And do not play with

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..

...

....

'Boys', you may get BABIES!

Gossip :)

BBM and Whatsapp have been ranked 2nd and 3rd for chat and gossip.Women continue to retain the 1st position

Made in China :)

Bhakt: "Kuchh to bolo Ganesh ji"?

Ganesh ji: "波尔迪亚"。

Bhakt: "Sorry Ganesh ji, aage se Made in China moortiyan nahin kharidunga".

Married signs :)

What Mangalsutra is to a married woman.

Tiffin box is to a married man.

Light Bulb :)

Q. How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A. None. They only convince people that they will change it.

Checkmate :)

You tell your wife I saw a lady, looked exactly like you she asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"

You cant say 'no'

You cant say 'yes'

That's Checkmate.!

God -OL :)

My wife treats me like a God. She only talks to me when she needs something

Difference -OL!!

The primary difference between tennis & badminton is of cock & ball.

AOL -OL :)

Q: Whom do you call Master in art of listening? A: ManMohan Singh

D/L Method in marriage :)

He argued...

She argued...

He shouted...

She shouted...

& then she cried 

Result: she won by duckworth lewis method

Surgery :)

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son-in-law. 'Yes, Dad, what is it?'

'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well...... if something happens to me, your mother in law is going to come and live with you.'

The surgery was a great success!!!!!.

Veham :)

​Bhakt: Swami ji, aisi Patni ko kya kahte jo Gori ho, Lambi ho, sundar ho, Inteligent ho, Pati ko samjhe, Or kabhi jhagda n kare?

Swami: Man ka Vaham kahte hain Beta, Man ka Vaham.!!!!!

Slogan :)

Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :

"Please Do Not Disturb me,I am Married and already very Disturbed..."

Prayer :)

​A couple were having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: Honey.....you always say prayer before eating at home.

Husband: that's at home sweetheart......here the chef knows how to cook!!

Deal :)

A man gifted his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.

Was the necklace FAKE? - No

That was the deal

Strategy!!

A guy went on a night out with his friends. His wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they must not open the door for him.

At about midnight, he comes back and knocks.

His wife tells him, "Go back and sleep where you are coming from."

And guy answered, "I'm not here to sleep, I'm here to collect condys in my room on top of the table or give it to me through the window, there are lots of women at the party!"

His wife opened the door and said, "Idiot, you're not going anywhere. Get into the house!"

Situation!!

In Which Situation, Do Men Start Sweating in 10 Mins & Women Want To Go ON & ON & ON?

Think..

Think..

Answer  is SHOPPING!

God Bless Your Naughty Mind! 

Similarity!!

Amazing Similarity between- Love & Food. 

If you Cross the limits. The result is Vomiting..;)

jinko samajh aaya wo forward kare. Baki bachche POGO dekhen..!!

Lips!!

Smile is the 2nd best thing you do with your lips. Of course you know the first one... 

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.

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It's keeping your mouth shut. :-D

But I like the way YOU think! ;-) 

Dracula!!

1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls' blood?.

in 2013: he died of hunger =D>=) 

Tongue Twister!!!

New Tongue Twister... Try This... "Alpha Q"

Go near a lady and say it loud and fast 5 times continuously and Win Exciting Prizes On The Spot..!! ???

9 Year old!!

Santa was staring sadly into his beer.

Banta: What's up? It's not like you to be so down in the dumps.

Santa: It's my 9 year old son. The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbor pregnant.

Banta: Crazy. That's impossible!

Santa: It's not... The little bugger stuck a pin in all my condys!

God's dilemma :)

John, an American national, asked God when will his country be free from recession. 

"80 years," God replied.

John was saddened by the news. He said, "I will not live to see that day."

Egor, a Russian national, asked God "When will my country's economy show growth?"

"45 years," God replied.

Egor was upset. He said, "I will not live to see that day."

Santa Singh, an Indian national asked God, "When will my country become free from corruption?"

God started crying. "I will not live to see that day!"

Camping!!

A guy was sitting in a bar when a stranger walked up to him and asked, "If you woke up in the woods and scratched your butt and felt Vaseline, would you tell anyone?"

"Hell no!" the guy said.

The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into your crack and pulled out a used condy, would you tell anyone?"

The man said, "Of course not."

The stranger said, "Wanna go camping?"

First Night!!

On 1st night after marriage:

Wife: Please let's not do it today. Let's spend it on understanding each other.

Husband: Darling, something 'Under' is already 'Standing' for you!

Irony of life!!

Wives don't get pregnant after many attempts

and

Girlfriends get pregnant even after taking precautions