Tip from me :)

A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked, "Did it help?"

Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

Difference between European and Middle Eastern Couples

Diff between European & Middle Eastern couple... . Real diff between European & Middle Eastern couple...After few years .

Couple!!!

An elderly couple had been shopping at a grocery store, and the wife decided to steal a can of peaches. The inevitable happened and she was caught. Upon her court date, the judge asked her what she had stolen.

"Your Honor, I stole a can of peaches."

The judge replied, "How many peaches were in the can?"

She said, "Six."

The judge then said, "I will sentence you to six days in jail."

Her husband stood up behind her and replied, "Your Honor, she also stole a can of peas

Mistake :)

An avid skier decided that he would ski all the major mountains in the world. He spent a decade at this, climbing and then skiing the world's major peaks. Finally he decided

he must ski Mt. Fuji, in Japan. He bade farewell to his wife and set off for the Land of the Rising Sun.

The fateful day came, the weather was right, and the skier climbed to the top of Fuji and skied down. So thrilled was he with his achievement that he decided to send his wife a postcard of Mt. Fuji, describing his feat. While in the shop buying the postcard, he decided, on a whim, to buy a postcard picturing a young, scantily clad geisha to send to his buddy who couldn't make the trip.

Unfortunately, he wrote the wrong messages on the cards, and sent them to the wrong recipients. On the back of the card showing Mt. Fuji, which he mistakenly sent to his buddy, he wrote: "Having fun in Japan!" And on the back of the card showing the scantily clad geisha, which he mistakenly sent to his wife, he wrote, "Here's a picture of the slope I went down on Thursday!"

Couple!!!

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to touch her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then slid his hand across her shoulders and neck, slowly worked it down over one breast, then the other, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm,caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over and then in between her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then, he proceeded up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg. He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice, 'That was wonderful. Why did you stop?'

"I found the remote"

Tragedies in a mans life!!!!

What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.

Walmart!!

A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he
asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, "What size condoms?"

The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to unzip his pants. He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Register 5."

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to unzip his pants and he did. She reached over
the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said… "Cleanup, Register 5."

Drunkard!!

A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches, "Can I help you Sir?"

"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.

The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"

"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out… "Holy shit! My girl- friend's gone, too!"

Jewelry!!!

Mother is in the kitchen making supper for her family when her youngest daughter walks in.

Child: Mother, where do babies come from?

Mom: Well dear…a mommy and daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their room…they kiss and hug and have sex. (The daughter looks puzzled.)

That means the daddy puts his thing in the mommy's vagina.

 

That's how you get a baby, honey.

Child: Oh I see, but last night when I came into you and daddy's room you had daddy's thing in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

Mom: Jewelry, dear.

Little Johnny...!!!

Little Johnny notices a friend has a new watch and is jealous. He
asks his mate how he got it.

"Easy," he says, " I waited till me sister and her feller were 'at it'
and then walked in. They bought me this watch to keep me quiet".

Little Johnny hasn't got a sister, but he waits till his brother has
his girlfriend round. When he thinks they are 'at it' he walks in.

"What do you want yer little sod!" asks his brother.

"I wanta watch" says Little Johnny.

"Well watch then," says his brother, "but just keep quiet."