This blog was inspired from the above quotes by 'Hasya Brahma' Jandhyala and request the visitors to "Spread the Smile" as everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
THERE IS SOMEBODY UNDER MY BED :)
Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car.
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - there is nobody under the bed now!
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year,' said the psychiatrist. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.'
'How much do you charge?'
'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor.
'I'll sleep on it and if needed I will come back to you,' I said.
Six months later the Psychiatrist met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new car.
'Is that so!' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed - there is nobody under the bed now!
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Worried Young Man!!!
A worried young man from Stamboul
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
Discovered red spots on his tool.
Said the doctor, a cynic, "Get out of my clinic!
Just wipe off the lipstick, you fool."
Monday, March 21, 2011
Product!!!
My husband told me to find him the best weenie enlargement product...
so I gave him a magnifying glass!
so I gave him a magnifying glass!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Ballerina!!!!
A big woman, wearing a sleeveless beach-dress, walked into a bar.
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What handsome here will buy a woman a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her repulsive look. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina (a female ballet dancer) a drink on me!"
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What handsome here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink on me!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me Bob, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her ballerina?"
The drunk replied, _"Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What handsome here will buy a woman a drink?"
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her repulsive look. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina (a female ballet dancer) a drink on me!"
The bartender poured the drink, and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, "What handsome here will buy a lady a drink?"
Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink on me!"
The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "Tell me Bob, it's your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her ballerina?"
The drunk replied, _"Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!"
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Bath!!!!
A couple take on an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if she could have a bath but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath but she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.....
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday...
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."
The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy fanny.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!"
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.. So the girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday...
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched as the girl got undressed. She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair, and told her husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said, "Next week I'll leave a gap in the curtains so that you can see for yourself."
The following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave?"
"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hairs down there. Do you have hairs?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she showed off her hairy fanny.
When the girl went to bed the husband came in, and the wife asked, "Did you see it?"
"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."
"Why not?" she said. "You've seen it before."
"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!!"
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Einstein's driver :)
One day during a speaking tour, Albert Einstein's driver, who often sat at the back of the hall during his lectures, remarked that he could probably give the lecture himself, having heard it so many times. Sure enough, at the next stop on the tour, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting at the back in his driver's uniform.
Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!"
Having delivered a flawless lecture, the driver was asked a difficult question by a member of the audience. "Well, the answer to that question is quite simple," he casually replied. "I bet my driver, sitting up at the back there, could answer it!"
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Dentist!!
Nina completed four weeks of dental restoration with her dentist.
She confided to her best friend Rosey that she had fallen in love with her dentist and she was going to propose to him.
Rosey said, "Nina, you're young, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why is this dentist THE man for you?"
"Because," explained Nina, "he is the first man that ever said to me ... 'SPIT, don't SWALLOW'."
She confided to her best friend Rosey that she had fallen in love with her dentist and she was going to propose to him.
Rosey said, "Nina, you're young, you're beautiful, you have dozens of men that adore you. Why is this dentist THE man for you?"
"Because," explained Nina, "he is the first man that ever said to me ... 'SPIT, don't SWALLOW'."
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Oxymoron's :)
Some commonly used phrases - contradictory meaning brought together - I suppose they are called Oxymorons :
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
And the Mother of all......
11) Happily Married...
And they should be no two opinions on the last phrase...
1) Clearly misunderstood
2) Exact Estimate
3) Small Crowd
4) Act Naturally
5) Found Missing
6) Fully Empty
7) Pretty ugly
8) Seriously funny
9) Only choice
10) Original copies
And the Mother of all......
11) Happily Married...
And they should be no two opinions on the last phrase...
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Marshmallow!!!!
A girl of 23 married a man of 84, and they asked her how things went.
"Well," she laughed, "Did you ever try to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank?
"Well," she laughed, "Did you ever try to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank?
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Vet Understands!!!
An elderly spinster who was a dog lover, agreed to look after and house her neighbor's dog whilst the neighbor went on holiday. The only problem was that her own dog was a bitch that was on heat, and the neighbor's dog was a male.
Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.
But one night while she was in bed, she was awakened by an awful howling and moaning sound. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together. The dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage.
Tried as she might, she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next. Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet. After a few rings a rather grumpy voice answered the phone.
The spinster explained the problem. The vet said. "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them. I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."
"Oh" Said the spinster. "Do you think that will work?"
"Well" The vet replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME".
Nevertheless she had a large house and she was able to keep the two dogs apart.
But one night while she was in bed, she was awakened by an awful howling and moaning sound. She rushed downstairs to find the dogs locked together. The dogs were in obvious pain howling but unable to disengage.
Tried as she might, she could not part them and she was perplexed as what to do next. Though it was late she reluctantly phoned the vet. After a few rings a rather grumpy voice answered the phone.
The spinster explained the problem. The vet said. "I want you to take the phone to the dogs and place it down alongside them. I will then phone your number back and the noise of the telephone ringing should make the male dog lose his erection and be able to withdraw from the bitch."
"Oh" Said the spinster. "Do you think that will work?"
"Well" The vet replied, "IT JUST WORKED ON ME".
Monday, March 7, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Circus!!!
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body..
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there"
The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it.. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment -- chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"
The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body..
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner's jaw is on the floor. He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the retired golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"
The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there"
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Appendicitis!!!
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The four passengers join in conversation, which very soon turns to the erotic.
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.
Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
Then, the young girl proposes, "If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs." The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet.
And then the girl pulls us her dress a bit to show her legs.
Then she says, "If each of you gentlemen will give me $10.00, I'll show you my thighs," and men being what they are, they all pull out a ten dollar bill. The girl pulls up her dress all the way to her legs in full.
Conversation continues, and the men, a bit excited, have all taken off their coats.
Then the young girl says, "If you will give me $100, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis."
All three fork over the money. The girl then turned to the window and points outside at a building they're passing. "See there in the distance. That's the hospital where I had it done!"
Friday, March 4, 2011
Snow!!!
A Lady goes on vacation to Jamaica. Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, 'What is your name?'
'I can't tell you,' the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'
'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me. ' says the Black man.
'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says. 'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the Black man gets mad and says,' I knew you would make fun of it'.
The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica .'
'I can't tell you,' the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is, and he always responds the same, he can't tell her. On her last night there she asks again 'Can you please tell me your name?'
'I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me. ' says the Black man.
'There is no reason for me to laugh at you,' the lady says. 'Fine, my name is Snow!' the black man replies. And the lady bursts into laughter, and the Black man gets mad and says,' I knew you would make fun of it'.
The lady replied, 'I'm not making fun of your name. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 10 inches of Snow every day in Jamaica .'
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Always Ask, Never Assume :)
His request approved, the CNN News photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight.
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I need to get some close up shots.' said the photographer.
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport.
Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger.
He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, 'Let's go'.
The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, 'Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.'
'Why?' asked the pilot.
'Because I need to get some close up shots.' said the photographer.
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, 'So, what you're telling me, is . . . You're NOT my flight instructor?'
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